“I wanted out”

Here is another installment in my series about Tender Mercies. Now YOU can submit your OWN stories at ANY time right here.

Today’s story comes from Cosette Snarr, who writes: 

My husband started having seizures in 1985. At first they were just at night and didn’t disrupt our daily life, although they did have an affect on my sleep. Over time the seizures changed and started happening during the day. Eventually he was in a terrible car accident and lost his ability to drive.

Over the years the seizures created situations of lots of unemployment and underemployment. I was frustrated and angry and did not want to deal with this terrible situation. I had tried everything I could think of to “fix” the situation but to no avail. I felt like my prayers were not being answered. It was awful.

I wanted out but knew I could not leave.

Over the years I went through all kind of emotions, mostly anger, until finally, f-i-n-a-l-l-y I decided to turn to the Lord in humility rather than telling Him how things needed to be. That seemed to be the key. I felt inspired that we needed to start re-finishing furniture together. I thought that was really odd. That’s not the kind of activity I would necessarily choose to do but I felt strongly that I had been directed so we did.

We took a class together, went searching for furniture together, worked together and in the process I fell in love with my husband again. The anger was gone. I felt confident that I could simply look beyond the seizures and everything would be okay. They did not have to rule me.

Within a couple of months of starting on the furniture the seizures stopped. It was not due to any change in medication or treatment that he had been getting. This happened in 2014. He had been having seizures for 30 years and they had stopped. His doctor had never heard of such a thing.

To me it was more than a tender mercy. It was a miracle in every sense of the word. A miracle that came through the love of the Savior as I finally allowed Him into my heart. The miracle was not so much that the seizures stopped as much as my heart had been changed.

Today our relationship is strong. My husband is still seizures free and is healthier than most men his age. We are incredibly blessed.

___________

What about you?

Maybe you’re not a millionaire. Maybe you haven’t yet realized that big vision for your life. Maybe your relationships aren’t what you want them to be. Maybe you’re still waiting for that breakthrough that never seems to come. Maybe you struggle with your health, or maybe you’re caring for someone else who is.

But even so…

Have you seen God’s hand in your life, sustaining you from day to day?

I want to hear about it. Submit your stories here!

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Don’t force the rose to bloom

Today’s Mindset Mastery Program participant spotlight is on Harmony H. She writes:

When I hit my emotional rock bottom a few months ago, feeling great stress and fear about money, I turned to the Jackrabbit Factor for help. By studying it, I was able to lift myself out of the despair and fear. It helped me change my attitude and expectations so that I could break through stress into emotional freedom.

Then I started the FTMF course [now called the Mindset Mastery program]. I’m only halfway through, but already the course has thoroughly grounded and expanded upon many of the principles illustrated in the Jackrabbit Factor. I now feel wonderful and expectant about my goals, and I’m already grateful for the prosperity to come and for all of the opportunities I have to give to the world.

As I embark on Phase 2 of the course, I’m setting a goal to complete a certain number of chapters of a book that I’ve known I’ve needed to write for years. I’ve been terrified of writing it for just as many years, too! In fact, in the past, I’ve sometimes felt so frozen up with fear and terror that I thought writing this book would be utterly impossible. But now, having studied the [Mindset Mastery program] and gained a new awareness of jackrabbits everywhere, I feel quietly confident and capable of meeting — perhaps exceeding — my writing goal before the course is done.

Sometimes in her blog or in her other resources, Leslie talks about dreaming big and making sure that the short-term goals fit the long-term vision of our lives. Before starting the [Mindset Mastery program], I didn’t really “get” that. I was always thinking in the short-term. The course has taken me through a series of exercises in which I’ve learned how to relate my pursuits to a unified, long-term, whole perspective on my life. Again and again, the course has directed me to write, re-rewite, and re-write my vision of how I want my life to be. With that repetition and emotion, I’m starting to feel the joy of dreaming big — in a way that is consistent with my personality, my values, my emotional and spiritual needs, and my own unique take on life. My big dream may look nothing like the person’s next door, and I love my dream all the more.

One of the things that I value about the course is the length of time it takes to complete it. We each change at our own speed — if we force a rose to bloom, we only damage it, but if we allow it to open on its own, we can experience its beauty and grace. This class has let me bloom in my own timing. It’s also taught me about discipline and setting aside time in my busy life for self-development. If I had taken only a weekend seminar, there is no way that I could have assimilated all of this information and blossomed open in that short length of time. The course is also cumulative, so that my self-development has been consistent, focused, and steady, traits that I value greatly. I would not have had this steady growth experience and increased focus if I’d put together a patchwork of teachings from multiple authors. I’m looking forward to growing and increasing my focus even more in Phase 2.

I also value the community… I’ve found that, for me, the [online community for program participants] is an integral part of the home study course. I’ve met wonderful, giving people there who are so willing to help others. I’ve also found that they’re willing to ask for help, too. It’s a community where peers can teach one another, and where mentors can ask for guidance and help, too. It’s also a place to meet great friends who share a healthy outlook on life.

Thank you, Leslie and Trevan, for making your course available as an effective home study alternative. You’ve brought a lot of integrity to the written page, and I am so looking forward to meeting you and our community at mentor training.

Blessings,
Harmony H.

Learn more about the Mindset Mastery program HERE.

The 12-week Mindset Mastery Program is not to be confused with the 8-week Mindset Fundamentals Ecourse. The Fundamentals Ecourse is a powerful exploration of the principles that govern success, and takes an introductory approach for effective goal setting. By contrast, the Mastery Program is focused on the *implementation* of the principles and the *achievement* of your goals. It is full of interesting assignments that take you step-by-step through two experimental goals, challenging your thought processes, helping you experience success, and setting up a pattern in your thinking that you will be able to utilize over and over for effectiveness with all of your future goals. I hope you’ll join me in one of these programs, to help you take your understanding and success to the next level in ALL the different areas of your life. Learn more about the difference HERE.

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Mission Nutrition – Calories Matter but they don’t Count

I have known Susan for some time now and have truly grown to appreciate her passion and dedication to discovering and sharing true principles. When something in my life isn’t going well (whether in a relationship, finances, or health), I’ve learned that a return to true principles always has the power to lead me to significant, life-changing improvements.

For example (as you who have been following my blog know), years ago my husband and I faced some difficult financial challenges. We worked multiple jobs, and I was thrilled to find food in the trash at offices we cleaned each night. Eventually, we discovered some previously unknown-to-us principles that govern prosperity. Once we understood the principles and began to consciously live by them, we tripled our income in three months, and I became an award-winning, best-selling author, helping tens of thousands of other people experience the same kind of shift.

Just as it was with our finances, significant life-changing improvements with one’s health also begins with a paradigm shift.

When your perspective changes and you understand the problem differently, you feel empowered, motivated, and inspired to take the steps that lead to success. That is what this book will do for you: it will give you a new paradigm that will empower, motivate, and inspire. I originally devoured the message in these pages because I was looking for answers to help my daughter with a newly diagnosed autoimmune disorder. I’m always amazed but never surprised when the people and resources I need show up in my life just when I need them, and the knowledge Susan has given me through this book is no exception.

She knows her stuff as a former nutrition professor, (who has since experienced her own shifted perceptions about widely-held beliefs that just don’t work), and is passionate about helping people understand how to use food to transform their health. Her book, Mission Nutrition, takes the reader on a health journey to understand what food really is, how it works in the body, and how to use it to optimize health.

It debunks commonly held myths about weight loss, calorie counting, healthy food, and healthy eating, while providing the reader with the tools and “rules” to confidently pursue eating based on sound science. Susan uses real-life stories as well as research to talk about the science behind food and unlock the secrets to eating joyfully to create optimal health, sustainable weight loss, and combat lifestyle driven diseases. It’s about eating your way to healthy! Yes, it’s about eating real, delicious food and feeling full again! ENTERTAINING AND INFORMATIVE, Mission Nutrition makes you the real food expert and takes the guess work out of nutrition.

As you’ll soon discover, what has perhaps seemed difficult can become simple. What once seemed scary can become enjoyable. What seemed impossible can become probable. A slimmer waistline and better health may be closer than you think. So, if you’re like the millions of Americans who struggle with their weight or constantly battle aches, pains, and illness, there is hope.

And as the author says it best,

In an unprecedented way, we are never without food. And yet we are malnourished and sick… When we understand the food environment, how our bodies use food, and how to eat both emotionally and physically to maximize our body’s biochemistry, we have the power to reverse this trend and reclaim our future.”

Click here to learn more and get your copy from Amazon, and let the journey begin!

Leslie Householder
Award-winning, best-selling author of The Jackrabbit Factor,
Hidden Treasures: Heaven’s Astonishing Help with Your Money Matters,
and Portal to Genius

 

 

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For those who desire to maintain traditional roles

I stumbled onto an old message while looking for something else, and it’s prompted me to bring together in one place a few different conversations I’ve had on this topic. It’s not organized in any particular way, and my newsletter is already long overdue, so I’m going to just share it “as is” for now, and (maybe) clean it up later. It’s my blog, so I can do what I want, right?

If maintaining traditional roles in a marriage is not important to you, then check out some of my other articles listed at the right.

Otherwise, here we go…

Dear Leslie,

I am in need of some ideas in regards to the Law of Attraction and am hoping you will address this in a blog so it will be easy to find. I have read the forums and haven’t come across anything like this from the wife’s point of view. Two years ago, my husband and I started learning about the law of attraction. It was exciting and empowering and life changing. We have read and listened to much and changed much about our thinking and feeling. Yet, we continue to be stuck in the abundance of poverty including making things much worse than ever. Now, I know this is not an unusual comment for you to hear so bear with me for a couple of paragraphs.

My husband has been in sales and marketing for 23 years. He is good at it but has lost a fair number of jobs along the way. Since we started learning all this, it seemed that things would change but they haven’t. Just last week I had an ‘ah-hah’ moment during a discussion. For many years he would say in the midst of a good job, “I don’t like working for someone else.” Oh, my goodness, there it was. No matter how much we were changing, his overriding feeling was that he didn’t want to work for someone else and guess what? He now wasn’t! So the law was still in effect in spite of our learnings and changings.

So my big question, shared by several of my friends in similar situations, is, can one person’s thoughts or goals override another?  If one person is truly getting it, and yet the other doesn’t believe strong enough, how can things shift? I see many women start to get this and shift things majorly, yet they end up being the breadwinner of the family. This is not our intention or our goal, especially with children at home. So what I would like you to address if you can is what kinds of affirmations should the wife be making, what kinds of thoughts and feeling should we be generating? If a husband’s pattern is self-defeating or self-sabotaging, what’s a wife to be, do or think to make this work? Help!

I appreciate all you are doing and especially your take on it since we share the same religious values.

Sincerely,

Danielle T.

So I found that letter (which had been sent via snail-mail) as I was cleaning out some files, and I’m embarrassed to say that I’m not sure if I ever responded. But I no longer have this person’s contact information, so in case she reads my blog, I’m going to respond to it now.

The short answer is yes, one person’s faith, intention, or goal can override another person’s thinking (or lack thereof). Here’s how:

Your faith can be enough to cause something to happen, even if your spouse is full of doubt, depending on if YOU think it is enough. If YOU believe his or her doubt will have no effect, then YES your faith can be sufficient. See how it always comes back to how YOU think?

Chew on that for a minute.

But, before you take that to the bank, I need to add a disclaimer:

Especially in a marriage, it’s important that we do not bulldoze our way to our dreams in spite of our partner. We need to be really careful about how we apply the principles, because it does not serve us to keep one law “well”, if doing so violates another. All of the laws can be kept in harmony, if we apply them in wisdom and order.

Your relationships matter. Your partner’s feelings matter. Your commitment to each other matters. Be patient and choose a pace that works for the both of you, even if it means sacrificing some of your wants. This is my advice to married couples who want to stay married.

As Thomas S. Monson advised:

“Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved.” 

__________

Stay at Home Moms

Here’s another question I received, in a similar vein:

Hi Leslie! I am really struggling with what seems to be two conflicting ideas. I come to you as one who knows about both.

Here is my struggle that often brings me to tears. As a Latter Day Saint woman I am struggling with the conflict of following the council of our prophets and apostles to be a stay at home Mom while wanting to follow my dreams and become a motivational speaker for teens and women. I feel I cannot have both according to the council, why? Because speaking would pull me out of the home. I have studied our leaders words and they are very explicit on mothers staying home to raise their children unless circumstances arise where the mother has to work. I too am passionate about mothers staying home with their children. I believe it is of the utmost importance. The reason this is a conflict for me is because as much as I love being a mother and staying at home with my children, I don’t get much fulfillment – which breaks my heart. I wish just being a mom was fulfillment enough for me! I wish I could love staying at home all the time. Day in and day out I often feel depleted, forgotten, and alone. I feel like I am becoming more and more numb. I have forgotten how to laugh, how to have fun, how to smile because I feel I am not “allowed” to follow my dreams because if I did, it would take me out of the home.

What I really want is to make a meaningful contribution in the world. I want something I’m passionate about, something that drives me forward, something I love to read, study, and learn about. Something that brings me excitement, makes me want to get out of bed, gives me a reason to get cloths on, do my hair, exercise, etc.

So the conflict in me often eats me alive. I cry because I want to follow a dream and a passion but feel I can’t and I cry because I feel I am bad or wrong because being a mother doesn’t feel like enough. I feel I am drowning in the monotony of every day life. And the conflict is, I want BOTH! I want to be a stay at home Mom AND I want to follow my dreams and start becoming a motivational speaker. But how can I do both? I know the brethren talk about seasons. Yes, I could wait till my kids are all grown but to me that feels like it would take another 10-20 years of drowning before I could actually surface. And who knows if I would ever surface after that much repression. Do I do both? Do I set boundaries where I am not out of the home very often? What is your insight on being a Latter Day Saint stay at home Mom and following your dreams and goals??

Thanks so much!!

Heather

Hi Heather – I have so much to say on this topic! I’ve kept your message flagged for a time when I could give it the attention it deserves but things are crazy right now with my 5th grader needing help with her speech for student council elections, my 15 and 18 y/o sons’ double eagle court of honor, helping my college son find a car to replace the one that just gave up the ghost, and helping my daughter get ready for her mission in a few more weeks. Case in point, I guess… I’ve needed to make a conscious decision to set business aside for a while and just handle what’s right in front of me. I’ll be back in full swing again soon 😉

In the meantime, look at it like shifting your weight from one leg to the other. Back and forth. You can’t walk without the swing. There is no such thing as balance, as Sharon Lechter describes it. If you’re perfectly balanced over your two feet, you can’t move at all!

Anyway, if and when you come to any conclusions of your own I would love to hear what you’ve deduced. This may be a great topic for another blog post… 🙂

Thanks for your understanding!

Leslie

Related: How to Establish a Shared Vision That Will Lift Your Family (Ensign magazine, March 2018)

Hey Leslie! I totally understand! And I am sure you have much wisdom on this topic. I am excited to hear what you have to say.

I love the analogy of balance. That is so simple and profound. That helps a lot. Thank you!

I talked to a friend about this subject as well and she is an lds mom who owns her own business and is a top youth speaker and even singer. She won the lds Pearl Awards several years back. You may know her from her music – her name is Jessie Clark Funk. Anyway, as I was talking to her she said something that helped me a lot. She said, we often think we have to do all these things, follow all these steps, listen to all the experts right now to “make it” in whatever it is our dream is. But we often forget that there is no set timeline. The timeline is what is perfect for you and your family and savoring the seasons you are in while preparing for the next. We can do all we can now, but we don’t have to bust our butt thinking we have to do everything right now. I don’t know what it looks like to follow my dream while still enjoying the season I am in, especially with a new 4 week old, but I am determined to have “joy in any circumstance” and to me that is loving being a mother as well as following my dreams.

Thanks for your willingness to answer my questions and help me in this. I appreciate your perspective very much!

Thanks again! Heather

Heather, did you ever read my super long post about when I felt conflicted with goal achievement and marriage? The details aren’t exactly like yours, but the principle and feeling is very similar I think… I’m realizing I probably won’t ever get around to writing my whole collection of thoughts on this, but much of it has already been written so maybe the following can help. I realize it might not give you the answers you need, but it might spur some new thoughts that can bring you there, if this conflict is still a concern:
http://ararekindoffaith.com/the-hardest-thing-ive-ever-tried-to-write

Hope this message finds you well! Leslie

Oh my word Leslie! Thank you for sharing that blog post with me. I finally read it and you put words to the huge ah ha’s I have had this year! It makes me want to giggle and gasp because it is now a second witness to what I have been experiencing and what I am coming to understand is true!A few years ago I got deeply into the self help realm reading books, going to a bazillion Kirk Duncan events, attending all sorts of classes and in the process wanted to start a business with a friend all in the name of, “dreaming big” “living my purpose” “serving others” “following my dreams” etc. I was deceived into believing that I am powerful enough to make anything work and to create my life however I want it. While that might be true, just as in your post – it doesn’t mean I should. Well, during that time of lots of self help stuff, I became more and more confused, my vision and clarity got darker and darker. I couldn’t understand why. Especially when I would even wake up at 5am (I am so not a morning person) and study my scriptures and exercise and go to the temple weekly. I realized it was all to gain the things I wanted in my life rather than a desire to come closer to God. So needless to say, my spiritual practices were anything but spiritual. I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t feel light, peace, or even a fraction of the Spirit from my spiritual practices. After about a year of going through all of this I paused. I looked at my life and realized it was not better off with me going after my goals and dreams. I was more miserable, more depressed, I felt I had lost the spirit for quite some time, I couldn’t feel gods light or peace. I was lost and in the dark. I felt that I was literally a reflection of the scripture “For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.” 

I had lost myself in the pursuit of finding myself through growing my skills and talents and going after my dreams. I had never felt so lost. Ever! I couldn’t understand why. I was doing all the things the prosperity experts told me, why was my life so dark? Why were my relationships with my loved ones more distant? Why wasn’t things happening for me? Well, I realized that I quite honestly didn’t care what God wanted me to do because I was too excited about the life I was going to create. So, he let me alone and let me trod down a tough path until I was desperate enough to truly let go of what I wanted and then turn my heart to him. 

I, like you, stopped listening and attending anything that had to do with prosperity training. I let go of everything and didn’t even want to look at it or touch it. I had to find out the truth and I needed so badly the Lords light and peace back into my life. So I left everything alone for almost another year. It wasn’t until early this year that I started to pick things back up with a totally different mindset. One with more caution and much more aware for gods plan for me. In fact, your stuff is the only stuff I trust enough to pick back up. So I did. And I see prosperity principles in an entirely new light in a way I could never see them before. 

Anyway, I too felt that I had to be a martyr and give up on me and that my dreams just weren’t important. I cried about that a lot. But as I said before, I also cried a lot because I wanted to want to be ok with just being home and being a stay at home mom. But I just couldn’t, so that’s why I reached out to you for help. 

In the weeks of pondering and searching for answers I realized that as members of the church who have made temple covenants, I think we are a bit different from the rest of the world in that we covenant to serve and follow God. Thus it hit me, “my life is not mine, it is the Lord’s. I have made that covenant” so in a way I am not free to just say what I want my life to be like. I have an obligation to be a tool in his hands so therefore what I want ISN’T as important as I wanted it to be. But that is the beauty of it all, giving up what we want to serve God is really one of the highest form of joy. I never experienced that until I completely let go of what I wanted and let him direct me. He directed me to do something I was terrified of and literally fought him a year on, and that was having another baby. As you know, I gave in again to what he wanted (you saw my giant belly). The minute, no! the second I gave in I felt immediate peace!! And now, here my baby is, 2 1/2 months and I am so full of joy I can’t even express. God knew what I needed and wanted more than I did! In fact that statement has gone through my head any time I started to want to achieve a goal, “God knows what you want more than you know what you want.” It’s so true!

So, in regards to wanting so much to fulfill my dreams AND be a stay at home mom I realized I can do both. How? By changing my mindset. You see, with all the trainings I went to I was taught to think big, constantly think about it, envision it, make a vision board, etc. Basically, put all your focus into this thing till you have created it. So it caused me to believe that I can’t achieve something unless I am constantly working on it and thinking about it. Not true! A good friend who is also a successful business owner said to me, now may not be your season to totally jump into your dream but in the meantime, hold on to it and start digging in. Read about the topic, study it, but most of all have fun with it. Enjoy it! 

The next profound thing she said is, YOU HAVE TIME! You don’t have to accomplish it by any certain time, if it brings you fulfillment just by thinking about it, that is enough because eventually you will be called to do something and when the time is right it will be shown to you and then you can take off! 

That advice has literally changed my life! The realization that I have time!!! That just because it’s not up on my vision board or I’m not networking or whatever, doesn’t mean I’m not working on my dream. In fact two things you guys said at the bootcamp that has made a huge impact on this very thing is “Dreaming big doesn’t have to be big to the worlds standards, it can be big because even a small change is a big deal!” That has impacted me so much! That I don’t have to dream about 1 million dollars, I can take the small baby steps toward my dream and that could be as small as just smiling a real smile when you see strangers. And then the other thing that was said at bootcamp was, “you don’t have to know your dream or life purpose to start working on it.” That was so profound to me. 

So as I let go, and I move forward. I am a happy camper. I trust in God’s plan and timing and I also know that God will grant my dream if it is wisdom in him and if I am obedient.  But if not, then I know God will create something even better than I could imagine. 

So, what I am saying is yes! I have received my answer to that dilemma. And I am continuing to receive answers.. But seriously, that blog post is almost identical to the journey I went on! So crazy! And perfect for the answers and clarity I have been seeking. Thank you so much for sharing!!

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