Nix the Scorekeeping

If you’re married and working toward a goal, sometimes living the principles can be especially challenging because deep down you have certain expectations of what your spouse is supposed to be doing.

Heck, it can be hard enough achieving goals with all the lofty expectations of what YOU are supposed to be doing!

At one time I had to come to terms with the fact that I was in another one of those “temporary seasons of imbalance” and decided to just hunker down and get through it. My husband agreed, and was there to support me, filling in gaps wherever he could, rather than getting frustrated that there were gaps to be filled.

What an example. I have often struggled to reciprocate that same kind of support.

He and I run through life at a different pace. I’m a sprinter, while he’s a distance runner. I burn out, while he steadily plugs along. So there have been many, many times when our mutual goal setting efforts have ended in shipwreck.

I’ve pondered this dilemma deeply, because it’s common among many couples. I’ve seen more than one relationship crumble under the weight of such differences. Sometimes I think it’s a wonder that we’ve made it through those times with our marriage still in tact.

Marriage requires adjustments and compromises. It might even require unplanned course-changes, which is why it’s important to establish your priorities early with clarity and resoluteness.

I’ve abandoned goals that threatened to compromise my top priority: my marriage covenant. My husband has abandoned goals if they’ve put a strain on our relationship. I’m not saying that is good, bad, or indifferent; I’m just saying that when your values, priorities, and ideals are in stone, then decisions, sacrifices, and disappointments can eventually be resolved with greater serenity.

(I understand some marriages need to end. But that’s a topic for another day, and probably for someone more qualified to address.)

Marriage also requires patience, and an understanding that we all have ups and downs (Law of Rhythm). Most of the time, I was up while he was down, or I was down while he was up.

That’s life.

So in your marriage, even if you’re both working hard to learn and understand the laws of success, you’ll learn them and apply them at different paces and in different ways.

When you’re in the groove, your spouse may struggle. When you’re spouse is on a roll, you may struggle. How, then, can you succeed as a couple if you can’t seem to get it right at the same time?

Count your blessings if the above description sums up your relationship. The Law of Rhythm states that everything in life is cyclical. We will have up days and we’ll have down days. When you’re on an up, go ahead and get a whole bunch of stuff done! Take advantage.

When you’re down, go with it and let it serve its purpose (as described in Hidden Treasures), with an expectation that your turn for an up day is on its way.

Don’t allow yourself to feel frustrated when the two of you can’t seem to make quantum leaps forward together. It is GOOD that you’re on different tracks, because if you both were to crash at the same time, who’d be there to pick up the pieces?

Allow yourself to feel the joy that comes when you say, “It’s okay, you can have a down day, and I’ll carry the torch until you come around.”

Imagine how that would make your partner feel. You’ve just turned a frustration into a blessing, which is a key skill for building a mindset for success. The goals you strive for will continue to move toward you as you show compassion to your spouse in his or her valley, and refuse to keep score.

Take responsibility. The minute you begin to fume and fuss over what someone else is doing or not doing, you lose power. Instead of passing judgment, be grateful for his/her companionship, and the opportunity you have to grow through the experience.

Find the good. Think on the positive aspects of your spouse. Think and speak about the good things, and the good will grow. Don’t expect everything to be fixed overnight. Some of our challenges have taken ten, even twenty years to resolve. What kept us going was a common belief that we’d eventually figure it all out. Some days I wasn’t so sure, and on other days I’m certain he wasn’t so sure. But there has always been at least one of us believing, or when perhaps if we were ever both in doubt, we didn’t speak of it because failure was not an option.

Move forward with faith, and if you are struggling now because of a conflict with your spouse, count it a blessing (Law of Polarity) and start looking for the seed of equal or greater benefit contained in the adversity.

“Never let a problem to be solved” [or a goal to be achieved] “become more important than a person to be loved.” ~ Thomas S. Monson

Marriage is not a 50/50 proposition. You don’t ‘divi’ up the responsibilities and then critique your partner’s performance on his/her share. It’s a 100/100, or perhaps even a 110/110 proposition.

Do what you can do, even if it means sharing the other person’s load. Even if it means carrying the whole load for a while. Sometimes it may feel like 150/20. Maybe it feels that way most of the time. But if you try hard enough, and are willing to see it, I’ll bet you can remember at least once when it was 10/130. We all take turns, even if sometimes that turn goes on for years.

Whatever the numbers are, how you let yourself feel about carrying more than your “fair” share may well determine your future success. It also may very well determine how quickly things shift.

But if you begrudge the load, you rob yourself of the joy AND potential prosperity (monetary or otherwise) that is waiting for you on the other side of the adversity.

Remember, through natural law, God’s universe responds to the feelings you emit. So for now, try feeling grateful that you are able to help today. What if, for some reason, you couldn’t help, even if you wanted to?

Things could always be worse (Law of Relativity).

So don’t keep score. Inevitably, there will be a day when you are the one who needs to be carried. Serve with joy here and now, sacrifice whatever is necessary in the short term to make it work, and you’ll both reap great benefits soon enough.

Nag not. Be patient. Allow those you love to grow at their own pace. I know, it may delay the prize, but you may discover that the prize without your relationships in tact may not be a prize at all.

And if your spouse isn’t on board in the least with the things you’re learning, you can still prosper; you can still succeed. Have faith in God’s ability to show you how to achieve your dreams without compromising your values, even if you’re the only one who believes in them.

As Wendell Phillips said, “One, on God’s side, is a majority.”

Related: What if My Spouse Doesn’t Think Positive? Originally published March 13, 2007

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What if My Spouse Doesn’t Think Positive?

GRUMPY SPOUSE? NO WORRIES.

I’ve had this question come in time and again about how much our thoughts can influence a situation if our spouse’s thoughts do not support our own. If we shouldn’t manipulate another person’s freedom to choose, how does this all work in a marriage if both parties are not on the same page?

Some people have a gift of strong faith, and others struggle more to develop it. If you have an easier time with faith than your spouse, it may be your role to encourage, inspire, and exercise patience.

Your challenge will be to demonstrate faith in SPITE of your spouse’s doubt. See how we all grow? Even those who have a natural tendency for faith will be tested, just in a different way.

Positive, faithful thoughts are many times more powerful than negative ones.

Your spouse’s negative thoughts will not sabotage yours, unless you worry that they will. So choose to believe. As long as YOU maintain a peaceful expectancy for that which you seek, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.

Just remember though, in your marriage, keep PEACEFUL expectancy for success… don’t be manipulative!!!

In other words, if you keep expecting your spouse to change, stop it.

“People don’t resist change; they resist BEING changed.” Bob Proctor

Imagine your relationship happy. Feel the relief and gratitude you expect to feel when things are better. Imagine the prosperity. As the nature of your thoughts improve from critical and impatient to cheerful and at-peacefulness, the general feeling in the home will improve… and you’ll find that the rising tide lifts ALL ships.

As you imagine feeling the feeling you want to achieve in your home, you’ll be inspired as to what YOU can do to help it evolve in that direction. Don’t be surprised if you feel inspired to relax a little, and stop trying so hard to change everything. Ironically, this is often the first step to realizing true change, and often the hardest step for a real goal-achiever/go-getter to take.

Related: The Hardest Thing I’ve Ever Tried to Write

Your vision and thoughts won’t force your spouse to change, nor should you expect them to. But they can certainly create an energy in the home that can help inspire it to happen in a very natural, gradual way.

Choosing faithful thoughts can help your spouse feel more hopeful. Once your spouse feels a little better, and begins to imagine the possibilities, opportunities will naturally follow, by the law of perpetual transmutation.

If your concerned that your spouse doesn’t have a better job, figure out “why” it needs to be better. Because, if the “why” is what you’re really after, the “how” may be something you never thought of. It could happen without a different job. The job itself could morph, or some other opportunity may come along, or you may find a way to accomplish the same ideal without a change in income.

Your thoughts do have power to bring opportunities… but your spouse must choose for him or herself whether or not to take them. So, bottom line, focus on the picture of your life the way you want it, and at the same time, release your expectations on your spouse.

Oh, the mental gymnastics!!!

Consider asking whether or not your spouse minds if you try to picture a better opportunity on his or her behalf. Your spouse may be more supportive than you think, and may end up testing the principles for him or herself as s/he sees things work for you. Best of all, you’ll begin to work together as one to achieve common goals. There is little else more powerful than that.

And don’t forget: it’s possible to get what you need without a change in income. Trades, gifts, odd windfalls… keep an open mind. As Wattles puts it, you “image” the thing, and the Universe will find the most efficient way of bringing it to you. Don’t pinch off the possibilities by deciding how it has to happen. Have fun daydreaming AND at the same time, relax about the “how”.

Above all, be grateful for however things line up. By choosing gratitude no matter what, you qualify yourself for the best possible outcome.

So if your spouse doesn’t respond the way you hope, be grateful anyway, trusting that God is leading the both of you along to learn the lessons he has in mind for you, all at the right time. Count it all a blessing.

In summary…

How to blow it: picture what you want, and wait for your spouse to make it happen. (You’ll end up in a negative “vibration” that will repel the things you want.) You’ll drive BOTH of you crazy if you’re always measuring your spouse’s behavior against your goals. Don’t base YOUR belief on anyone else’s actions. Your belief alone can be enough to initiate a significant shift.

How to succeed: picture what you want, see the prosperity in your mind, and enjoy the daydream, and then take the actions that come to YOUR mind. Trust God to inspire you to know exactly what YOU should do next. You can be shown a way to meet your obligations and thrive, all the while maintaining the values that are most important to you. He will help you get the timing right, too. You may even feel instinctively inclined to wait a little while before hitting it hard. Trust the peaceful impressions you feel, even if they seem illogical.

Knowledge eradicates fear and doubt. The more you understand, the more effective you become at applying the principles with success.

Lastly, read Portal to Genius – because the marriage described in that really FUN book illustrates exactly how all of these ideas really play out.
Originally published February 5, 2007

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“Something’s Gotta Change”

I didn’t think it would take me this long to get back to the story of why I dropped off the map in May, but it’s been on my mind each day because of the FLOOD of feedback I received from my last post.

Part of my hesitation (besides not finding enough time to just knock it out) has been trying to decide which details and how much to share, because to share it all would only leave me time to live HALF a life.

One thing I’ve learned about life is that there’s always something more to learn – it’s a curse and a blessing all wrapped into one. You can never coast too long without life delivering a challenge with a call to grow, learn, and improve some more.

Having come to terms with our financial mistakes in 2006, it was time to put the principles back to the test, prove them true again, and conquer. My message during that time evolved, from “You can prosper!!” to “Profiting From your Losses” and “Making Sense out of Setbacks”. I found it much easier to address these topics because they had become the new theme for my life.

My best blog posts during those years were the ones I wrote to coach MYSELF through the traumas from which I was trying to recover. Turns out my BEST epiphanies and most popular posts were the ones born from my toughest moments.  I constantly worked to view my challenges the way I had been teaching others to view theirs, and where the “basic” principles introduced in Jackrabbit Factor didn’t seem to adequately address what I faced in those moments, I found new principles and remedies to help me cope.

Jackrabbit Factor is still an important primer, but the good stuff is in Portal to Genius. (Read the truth about Portal to Genius). It gave me a platform to show through fictional characters how to turn things around when you’re too tired or too cynical to apply the principles you learn in Jackrabbit.

It allowed me to answer my own question, “Do the challenges ever stop?” and gave me a place to show how you can find new purpose that can inspire you to move through despair.

Ultimately, I discovered a satisfactory answer to why the law of attraction stops working. Beyond that, I was excited to work into the book an illustration of what it’s like to be led to the principles because you want abundance, but ultimately finding out what other good and worthy purpose the enticement perhaps is really for.

Not quite ready to go public with our personal challenges (outside of weaving them into a fictional story), I shared my lessons learned since writing Jackrabbit only with a small section of my readers, requiring that they jump through some extra hoops to get to them. I told them how we had used up our savings, and had run out of available credit. I described how it felt to finally get to the end of our visible resources, and the “portal to genius” we discovered there*.

*After getting down to our last $200 with no other paycheck in sight, we were shown through a spark of genius (inspiration) how to solve our problem.  We became conscious of some of our hidden resources, and pulled in more than $43,000 that month. We even had another similar month after that.

Finally, I had the fodder I needed to complete the book Portal to Genius.

My favorite epiphanies over the years that brought us to that success are now gathered in the Top 47 list shown on the right sidebar of this page. The list isn’t complete because I haven’t had time to go back through and tag all my posts yet, but that’s where you’ll find some other amazing insights that helped me tremendously when it appeared we were doomed to lose everything… and the good news is, no, we didn’t end up losing everything.

(The new inflow got us caught up, but it wasn’t enough to repay our debts. It gave me renewed confidence in the principles, but we still had a long row to hoe.)

While tomorrow will certainly bring new challenges, and while I continue to learn how to roll with the punches, I am grateful for the lessons I’ve learned so far, for the person I’m becoming through the challenges, and for the tender mercies of the Lord that assure me He is still mindful of me and my family, even in our failings. His hand in our life has kept us going from day to day. Can you say, “manna”?

Sorry – it’s so hard not to go off on tangents here.  Back to the story (of why I disappeared in May.)

After the book was out, and in the summer of 2010 I reconnected with Kirk Duncan. I was a student who was ready for the next teacher to appear, and there he was. Although we had known each other for a few years already (because I had been invited to speak to his organization a couple times), I really hadn’t known who HE was or what I needed to learn from him.  For sake of focus, that whole story will have to be shared another time.

I attended his Body Language Show, and his Master of Influence class, and something was re-ignited in me. I caught a vision of what more I could be doing to see even better results. Not only was I going to throw myself into the application of what I learned from him through our mentoring sessions, but I also decided to step it up and get busy actively putting on workshops again and generating new momentum for my business with the more sober, more refined, and more mature message I now had to share.

I thought:

Perhaps I had finally turned the corner and I would start seeing more of an increase over and above the much appreciated physical, emotional, and spiritual manna on which we’d been surviving.

Perhaps it was time to stop holding back, fearful of taking too much time away from my family, and just GET IT DONE (get our debts paid back).

So that’s what I did. I gave my website a face lift, filled up the calendar with a year full of events, and went to work.  The demand began to grow as the momentum increased, until spring of this year (2011) when I found myself flying out for an event nearly every weekend.

Kids? What kids. I didn’t have time to really stay connected with who they were and what they were going through. They didn’t like it, but they were willing to support the cause. We all pulled together to make it work, with the promise that it would mean we could get our debts paid once and for all and ultimately return to a more sustainable pace with normal family routines and a little more freedom to get and do more of what they wanted.

Despite one event in March, which was one of my worst ever (and about which I’m still embarrassed), I had a GREAT time on the Book Writing Retreat (because it was a retreat, after all), but by the end of May, I was figuratively black and blue from being away from home so frequently.

I knew something had to change by the time I spoke for Garrett Gunderson’s big Financial Enlightenment event with several hundred people, because I was so visibly weary that when it was over, some of the other speakers (and even quite a few participants) approached me with pity and hoped to help ME however they could.

I had lost my “beacon in the fog”. I could no longer envision a single reward in my future that was worth putting myself through this.

What made matters worse, was when I finally sat down to see how effective the year’s strategy had been, the revenue was only about a 4% increase over the previous year when I had kept a more reasonable schedule, doing most of my work online.

That was the final straw. Again, here was my “proof” that no matter what I did, the laws must be in suspend mode, and my results were probably just going to continue to be like manna, and manna alone.

I concluded, if I’m just going to be living on manna either way, what the heck am I trying so hard for? That’s when I began to seriously consider bankruptcy for the first time.

With the debts we had accrued (by trying to hold our bad real estate investments for far too long), and in spite of the steady annual growth we had been experiencing in our books / seminar business, the revenues had not been large enough to get rid of (or even make much progress toward) the heavy debt load. On paper, we were an easy case for bankruptcy.

Need I mention, our relationship was strained? My husband had left his job in 2005 to help me in the business, and over time his work building and maintaining our online school had become a full-time venture. Within about two years he replaced his income, so it made sense to keep at it.  At least working on our business promised an unlimited income, while his previous job definitely had a ceiling.

The problem with this arrangement was that we had to pay for our own insurance (expensive), we were maxed out for time and couldn’t add another thing to our plate even if it meant earning more money, and even though he worked as much as 12-14 hours a day, there was no paycheck specifically with his name on it.

Not a big deal; we’re in this together and we share the business profits, but in my moments of weariness and despair, it was easy to latch on to the distorted notion that he wasn’t doing enough to solve our problem.

It often felt like I was shouldering the whole load because I was the one traveling, and that he had nothing really concrete to show for his fill-all-the-gaps-and-keep-things-running contribution.  While I knew consciously that if he stopped what he was doing, it would probably all break down, it wasn’t enough to keep me from feeling like a major victim in the world of my own creation.

We had a number of meetings with several different mentors – marriage advice, money advice, business development advice – and some pretty ugly conversations between each other. Deep down we both believed we’d ultimately work it out, but at times we couldn’t see how it could be possible.

With some excellent advice to me from Dino Watt, (founder of the Business of Marriage), I gathered the strength to have a specific kind of conversation with my husband. That was the beginning of the much-needed surgery to address the root of our problem, remove the cancer from our relationship and heal the necessary incision. I had to remember that on the way to success, sometimes surgery is required, and in the middle of it, it would appear there has been a murder in the room. In reality though, sometimes surgery is necessary to save a life.

Through this process, which spanned many weeks, I got a good look at who I had become in the mad race to fix our mess, and I didn’t like what I saw. I couldn’t feel any more. I was numb, and ready to do whatever was necessary to find a pace I could live with. I didn’t care if it meant going back to square one and making sure that this time, the ladder was leaning on the right wall.

I’m a traditional sort of girl. My husband is a traditional sort of guy. We both want to fill the traditional roles where he is the provider and I am the nurturer. That had always been our plan and our intent, but somehow we had ended up in circumstances that appeared to be opposite of what either of us had ever wanted.

To rock the boat now, I felt like I was rebelling against God. Here I had felt led all those years to do what I had done, but I had no more strength left to continue. I was done. I didn’t care if it meant we’d end up in a shack. I was ready to let go, and NOT be tempted to pick it all up again.

This was the first time I didn’t really seek approval from God to stop; I was outright mad at Him for stringing me out so long, and wasn’t really interested in his opinion on the matter any more.

At the same time, I knew I was cutting myself off from his inspired solutions, and hardening my heart.  But it just hurt too much to respond in any other way.

It wasn’t long before I started noticing some interesting things going on around me. I can’t really share all that transpired, but within just a few days, I had multiple encounters with people who said or did things that got me thinking differently.  Through these experiences, I learned with certainty that the Lord understood what I was going through, that He had compassion on me, and that it was “complete”.

What was complete?  Did I hear someone say, “It’s complete”??

The words “It’s complete” repeated in my mind twice nearly audibly, and many times more as I reflected upon their initial arrival. Accompanying those words was a feeling of peace, and tenderness. I knew they were not of my own invention, because I was already convinced that I was jumping off a ship I should have been steering. But no, this impression let me know that God was still at the helm of my life, and that everything was playing out just as it was supposed to be.

Could God really be that merciful? Now? Even in spite of my bitterness?

I still get choked up as I think about it.

I was in awe. Even as angry as I had been, He put people in my path, inspired some conversations, and prepared my heart to hear and recognize his confirmation to me that this child of His was throwing an unnecessary tantrum.

In one meeting with my bishop (who is like a pastor or minister in my church), he listened, counseled me, and then knowing how hard-hearted I said I must be, he left me with this verse: “For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God…”  Romans 8:38-39

In other words, not even my bitterness was separating me from His love. Suddenly, He didn’t feel so far away to me anymore.

In time, I had to smile, because I realized that, had I bothered to ask His opinion, I may have discovered that these changes were sanctioned all along, and that, in fact, I was not rebelling at all. Turns out the changes I was “selfishly” making for my own self-preservation were actually necessary for His purposes as well.

How mysterious are the works of God. That’s all I have to say about that.

That night I had a dream. It was a recurring dream that I’ve had for many years, so it didn’t really surprise me when it began. I think I’ve had it enough that I know I’m dreaming as it happens, but it still always has to play out nonetheless.

Generally, I find myself on a campus, usually a high school, but I can’t find my classes. I wander around, and eventually get to where I’m supposed to be, but by the time I get there, I’ve already missed several weeks and I’m unsure of what to do about it.  Or, I manage to get to class, but somehow I don’t have the homework that I’m supposed to turn in.  In every dream, I wonder if I’m not learning what I’m supposed to learn, or being where I’m supposed to be.

But that night, the dream was different. This time I was on a college campus, and I could see a graduation ceremony taking place. Again, I was in the wrong place. I felt like I was supposed to be in the ceremony with the other graduates.

Then my dear friend Carolyn Cooper appeared. None of my friends had ever shown up in this recurring dream before, so I was thrilled to see her. She could tell I was feeling disappointed that I had missed graduation, and said, “Don’t worry, your life experiences count toward graduation, and you’re only two or three classes away.”  Then she even added, “I’ll show you where they are.”

I woke from that dream completely at peace and satisfied with its conclusion. I felt gratitude and amazement – to realize that the recurring dream and this new ending was another way for God to assure me that everything is just as it should be, and to be patient and trust him.  It rounded out my experience from the day before, and helped me understand what had been meant by the words “it’s complete”.

Here’s what I know: I was supposed to create what I created over the last 10 years. But despite my fears, it was never meant to be an unending assignment away from my favorite and most important role as a mother. It was necessary, but temporary.

I recognize God’s hand in our family during those years, and how he held us together, taught each child individually through his Spirit, and strengthened us all while the work was in process. But it’s complete.

And now I know, that even though we have debts to pay, I don’t have to keep rushing to create new, bigger, or better products and services, always leaving my previous projects under-developed. Too much of a good thing can be bad.

Here’s another article on that topic: How to know when it’s time to stop.

A conversation with Rich Christiansen helped me recognize that in my business it’s time to shave away the activities that don’t fuel me, and which aren’t really profitable, and pick the few things I love the most and drive them deep, fine-tuning them and developing THOSE products and services to their peak potential.

He also taught me how pulling back or veering away from the goal is often a sign that you’re on the RIGHT track.

Who knew?

Long story short (even though it’s too late to call this one short…), Rich also taught us about “dancing in your tutu”. This means that you keep your eye on the ultimate goal, but sometimes you have to do what’s uncomfortable for a season so that you can get there.

Men, imagine, standing on the street corner dancing in a tutu to make the money you need to fund the achievement of your ultimate dream.

In the Jackrabbit Factor, it’s called going after another paper sack even though you’re really on a rabbit hunt.

In our case, my husband and I both agreed it was time for me to settle down, and time for him to dance in a tutu, while we put our life back in order. It was time for us to redefine how we want our relationship to look, and start the lengthy process of putting in all in place.

We’re in this for the long haul, and knew that if we want the kind of golden years we’ve always had in mind, we have to stop and re-define the guard rails of what we are, and are not, willing to do.

About this same time, my children participated in a Pioneer Trek where they recreated some of the experiences of the early Mormon settlers.  They dressed in clothing from the 1800s, were assigned to families with a Ma and Pa, carried their only belongings each in a single bucket, and pulled handcarts across wilderness terrain for several days.  Along the path, they were told true stories about those who had lived through the original trek, and learned how to cope with and overcome many of the same kinds of challenges.

On the following Sunday at church, quite a few of the youth stood and shared their experiences and lessons learned. As I listened to their stories, one of the experiences struck me personally. They talked about the women’s pull.

The women’s pull was the section of the trek when the men left the trail because they were needed in the service of their country during the Mexican War. The men who left were known as the Mormon Battalion, and this left the women to shoulder the load alone.

What touched me was when they talked about the end of the women’s pull. During the mock-trek, the young men did leave the young women to pull the carts alone for quite some time over rough and discouraging terrain. But after the simulation was over, the young men ran to help again, and the women’s pull was over.

The words “It’s complete” returned to my mind as I heard their stories, and I felt assurance again that things in my life really were finally transforming.  I didn’t need the changes to all be immediate, after all, I still expected that there were a few more lessons I needed to learn before I could “graduate”, but the path was laid before us and we both knew it was good.

It’s nearly 3 am again – I’m eager to share what those extra lessons turned out to be, and you’re probably wondering, “so, what about the debts?” or “what are you going to do with your business now?” but I’ll have to save those details for next time.

If this exposé is helping you at all, please comment below. It helps me feel like all our drama (or trauma) wasn’t all for naught. 🙂

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Principles for a Stronger Marriage

Marital Revolution

Positive Thinking Tip: Focus on principles for improving your marriage, and everything else goes better, too.

My friends Dino and Shannon (who joined me for one of my Book Writing Retreats, and who are pictured here) have done an excellent job putting together some principle-based, content-packed videos for you on how to get more love and understanding in your relationship.

Sign up now while they still offer free access:

Business of Marriage Video Access

With the combination of great information and their personal stories (like, Dino watching his dad drive away as he stood on the sidewalk as a kid, or Shannon’s dad dying from a heart attack instead of facing a divorce) make this a moving and hope-giving “must watch”.

It really doesn’t matter where you are in your relationship. If you’re struggling or if you’re doing great, every garden needs weeding from time to time.

These free videos are literally for everyone:

Business of Marriage Video Access

You’ll be glad you watched. What I’ve learned from Dino and Shannon has made a big difference in my marriage – and I thought we already had it pretty good.

Enjoy!

Leslie Householder

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How to Prosper with a Disbelieving Partner

One of the most common questions I get is on how to achieve goals when your partner in business or your spouse does not think the same way as you about these principles. I’ll continue to address this issue occasionally, because there are so many angles to consider, and maybe this is the one that will make a difference for you.

I’ll be quick to get to the point.

In order for you and your spouse to have the synergy you’d like to have on your way to achieving your prosperity goals, you need to have a COMMON GOAL.

I don’t mean to sound too simplistic here, but that’s what it boils down to. If you can’t understand why you aren’t getting the support you’d like to have, then ask yourself, when was the last time you sat down together and talked about what you’d like your future together to look like? Where do you see the two of you in ten years?

Maybe your spouse has lost his/her dream, and is too discouraged to think beyond the here and now. If your dreams are too grandiose for him/her to believe, then take some time to dream with him/her about the things that you can both be excited about, even if they aren’t much of a stretch. For example, daydream together about being grandparents or great grandparents. Talk about a movie you both enjoyed. Talk about the beliefs you share in common.

The more you share with each other, the more you will be “on the same page” in general. If you dream of traveling the world, and your spouse only gets more depressed when s/he hears you talk about it, because it feels impossible to him/her, then keep those dreams to yourself while they take root. Discuss them if you’re encouraged and supported when you do, but if that isn’t what happens, then talk about the common goals to strengthen your relationship and wait for a better season to talk about the bigger things.

Getting it together – in essence, if you are arguing about stuff, it means you’re simply on different frequencies. You need to build a dream together if you want to have harmonic thoughts.

If you spend time with the same mental images, you’ll end up with the same kinds of emotions. That’s “getting it together” and it can begin with taking in images of a more ideal life, together.

Together, watch movies of people who have exemplary lives and enjoy prosperity. Read books about remarkable people, together, so you can talk about them with each other. Get the images in sync that you both are putting into your minds, and eventually your frequencies will more closely match. A small step in this direction makes a big difference. It doesn’t even have to be self-help material… it just needs to be representations of lives that are on a higher plane than where you may be now. Sometimes it’s easier to find this sort of thing in old movies, like “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington.”

One final point: A journal is a wonderful place to express and put detail to your dreams when you don’t have someone to talk about them with. It’s more than that, though. It’s the first step to effectively preparing yourself for inspiration on how to achieve it. To understand why, watch the 4-minute movie.

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The Young and the Thoughtless – Episode 1 – Humble Beginnings

I thought it might be of interest and value to share some of the specific challenges and solutions I faced on my original journey from financial stress and depression, to peace and strengthened faith. It was an eight-year path, and I believe that anyone hungry enough might learn from my mistakes and lessons, and save themselves a lot of time and money in the process.

Going back and remembering the beginning is also useful for ME, as I re-remind myself of the principles, to keep living them now for continued growth and even greater success.

So here we go, as I share more details around our story than I typically reveal in my live presentations:

My husband and I married young in 1991, in faith that God would prepare a way for us to make ends meet… after all, we were trying to live the kind of life worthy of all the blessings He had to offer. We drove a 1969 Volkswagen Beetle… took off on our honeymoon from Arizona in June (yes, JUNE) with a broken heater stuck ON. But we were in love and the details and discomforts were nothing but an adventure to us.

We were both still in school, I was nearly done with a teaching degree, and Trevan was in his second year, still deciding for sure what he wanted to go into. We had planned to have me stay home when children came, and before long, one was on the way.

We both were working at a home for the mentally handicapped, making less than $5/hour. I worked up until about 4 days before the baby came, and then quit my job. “God would provide;” we expected it.

In the meantime, Trevan got another job in a factory that made gun safes. I think he was up to $7/hour or so… and toying with the idea of starting our own business, a business that we could grow together from home.


We started to have disagreements over money spending. In fact, I fought tooth and nail to keep us from using our wedding money ($1000) to attend our first weekend seminar in personal and business development 12 hours away. I felt that Trevan was being too hasty and wasn’t spending wisely.
I stayed home for a year… and we got ourselves into some credit card debt. No extravagant purchases, just life, and business seminars to teach us how to make money.

But I finally consented, and while we were there, a speaker said something that saved our marriage. Didn’t make us rich, but rescued our relationship. Who would have expected such a thing from a seminar about money?? To find out what happened, stay tuned for the next episode of “The Young and the Thoughtless”!

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