Nix the Scorekeeping

If you’re married and working toward a goal, sometimes living the principles can be especially challenging because deep down you have certain expectations of what your spouse is supposed to be doing.

Heck, it can be hard enough achieving goals with all the lofty expectations of what YOU are supposed to be doing!

At one time I had to come to terms with the fact that I was in another one of those “temporary seasons of imbalance” and decided to just hunker down and get through it. My husband agreed, and was there to support me, filling in gaps wherever he could, rather than getting frustrated that there were gaps to be filled.

What an example. I have often struggled to reciprocate that same kind of support.

He and I run through life at a different pace. I’m a sprinter, while he’s a distance runner. I burn out, while he steadily plugs along. So there have been many, many times when our mutual goal setting efforts have ended in shipwreck.

I’ve pondered this dilemma deeply, because it’s common among many couples. I’ve seen more than one relationship crumble under the weight of such differences. Sometimes I think it’s a wonder that we’ve made it through those times with our marriage still in tact.

Marriage requires adjustments and compromises. It might even require unplanned course-changes, which is why it’s important to establish your priorities early with clarity and resoluteness.

I’ve abandoned goals that threatened to compromise my top priority: my marriage covenant. My husband has abandoned goals if they’ve put a strain on our relationship. I’m not saying that is good, bad, or indifferent; I’m just saying that when your values, priorities, and ideals are in stone, then decisions, sacrifices, and disappointments can eventually be resolved with greater serenity.

(I understand some marriages need to end. But that’s a topic for another day, and probably for someone more qualified to address.)

Marriage also requires patience, and an understanding that we all have ups and downs (Law of Rhythm). Most of the time, I was up while he was down, or I was down while he was up.

That’s life.

So in your marriage, even if you’re both working hard to learn and understand the laws of success, you’ll learn them and apply them at different paces and in different ways.

When you’re in the groove, your spouse may struggle. When you’re spouse is on a roll, you may struggle. How, then, can you succeed as a couple if you can’t seem to get it right at the same time?

Count your blessings if the above description sums up your relationship. The Law of Rhythm states that everything in life is cyclical. We will have up days and we’ll have down days. When you’re on an up, go ahead and get a whole bunch of stuff done! Take advantage.

When you’re down, go with it and let it serve its purpose (as described in Hidden Treasures), with an expectation that your turn for an up day is on its way.

Don’t allow yourself to feel frustrated when the two of you can’t seem to make quantum leaps forward together. It is GOOD that you’re on different tracks, because if you both were to crash at the same time, who’d be there to pick up the pieces?

Allow yourself to feel the joy that comes when you say, “It’s okay, you can have a down day, and I’ll carry the torch until you come around.”

Imagine how that would make your partner feel. You’ve just turned a frustration into a blessing, which is a key skill for building a mindset for success. The goals you strive for will continue to move toward you as you show compassion to your spouse in his or her valley, and refuse to keep score.

Take responsibility. The minute you begin to fume and fuss over what someone else is doing or not doing, you lose power. Instead of passing judgment, be grateful for his/her companionship, and the opportunity you have to grow through the experience.

Find the good. Think on the positive aspects of your spouse. Think and speak about the good things, and the good will grow. Don’t expect everything to be fixed overnight. Some of our challenges have taken ten, even twenty years to resolve. What kept us going was a common belief that we’d eventually figure it all out. Some days I wasn’t so sure, and on other days I’m certain he wasn’t so sure. But there has always been at least one of us believing, or when perhaps if we were ever both in doubt, we didn’t speak of it because failure was not an option.

Move forward with faith, and if you are struggling now because of a conflict with your spouse, count it a blessing (Law of Polarity) and start looking for the seed of equal or greater benefit contained in the adversity.

“Never let a problem to be solved” [or a goal to be achieved] “become more important than a person to be loved.” ~ Thomas S. Monson

Marriage is not a 50/50 proposition. You don’t ‘divi’ up the responsibilities and then critique your partner’s performance on his/her share. It’s a 100/100, or perhaps even a 110/110 proposition.

Do what you can do, even if it means sharing the other person’s load. Even if it means carrying the whole load for a while. Sometimes it may feel like 150/20. Maybe it feels that way most of the time. But if you try hard enough, and are willing to see it, I’ll bet you can remember at least once when it was 10/130. We all take turns, even if sometimes that turn goes on for years.

Whatever the numbers are, how you let yourself feel about carrying more than your “fair” share may well determine your future success. It also may very well determine how quickly things shift.

But if you begrudge the load, you rob yourself of the joy AND potential prosperity (monetary or otherwise) that is waiting for you on the other side of the adversity.

Remember, through natural law, God’s universe responds to the feelings you emit. So for now, try feeling grateful that you are able to help today. What if, for some reason, you couldn’t help, even if you wanted to?

Things could always be worse (Law of Relativity).

So don’t keep score. Inevitably, there will be a day when you are the one who needs to be carried. Serve with joy here and now, sacrifice whatever is necessary in the short term to make it work, and you’ll both reap great benefits soon enough.

Nag not. Be patient. Allow those you love to grow at their own pace. I know, it may delay the prize, but you may discover that the prize without your relationships in tact may not be a prize at all.

And if your spouse isn’t on board in the least with the things you’re learning, you can still prosper; you can still succeed. Have faith in God’s ability to show you how to achieve your dreams without compromising your values, even if you’re the only one who believes in them.

As Wendell Phillips said, “One, on God’s side, is a majority.”

Related: What if My Spouse Doesn’t Think Positive? Originally published March 13, 2007

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The Tide Always Comes Back

Positive Thinking Tip: No matter how bad things appear to be now, nature guarantees a turn for the better. Look forward to it.

The Law of Vibration (you may have heard people call it the Law of Attraction) is a natural law of the Universe. In other words, so long as you live in harmony with the law, all you need in order to accomplish your goals can become available to you in a natural way.

But one less-discussed aspect of the law is how you need to maintain peace of mind during the process. You need to calm down and allow nature to run its course. Let me cite three examples in nature:

  1. You don’t rush a baby; whenever possible, you let it have 9 months to develop.
  2. You can’t rush a seedling; pulling on it to make it grow faster will cause it to die.
  3. You can’t rush the tide; it must go all the way out before it will begin to come all the way back in.

Life has its ups and downs… it is the natural rhythm of life. In order to succeed, we must learn to ride the tide instead of fighting it. How do we do that? How do we continue to hope for prosperity in the middle of a setback?

When you are on a “down,” know that the up is on its way, just as the tide comes in and goes out, predictably. When you worry that things are going badly and you can’t see the end of your misfortune, just remember nature simply doesn’t operate that way.

Don’t get trapped in a downward emotional spiral by thinking that things are bad and only going to get worse! That is just as absurd as watching the tide go out and thinking:

“Oh dear… there goes our shoreline forever! I suppose the whole ocean is going to disappear!”

Be patient. Look for evidence that the tide is returning. Look for evidence that things are turning around for YOU. Look for evidence of prosperity on your horizon. If you look hard enough, you’ll find it… and as you focus on an upturn of events, you will be preparing yourself to receive some great rewards; one being that you will figure out better, more efficient, more desirable ways to earn a living.

If the tide doesn’t seem to turn around as quickly as you hoped, think on this: you must plant your dream seeds properly (as outlined in The Jackrabbit Factor Ecourse), and then relax. You’ve got to simply go about your activities in a peaceful way, knowing that because you planted the seed, nature needs time to do her part, too.

(You need to be willing to let the tide retract completely before expecting it to return again.)

How can you apply these ideas?

Let’s switch back to the seed analogy. The minute you start to feel anxiety about your goal is the same minute you must remember the seedling. Just because you don’t see the fruit yet, know that it is coming. You might not even see the sprout, but you trust that something is happening beneath the soil.

That’s how I try to approach my goals. I plant them by doing what Richard did in The Jackrabbit Factor, and then I take the actions that come to mind in a calm, deliberate way. I might go a long time before I see any evidence that my efforts have made a difference. But I know they have, so I keep on keeping on, expecting that in time, I’ll see a sprout. Besides knowing this, I know that there is also some critical personal development going on at the same time.

Furthermore, when I see a little sprout pop through the surface of the ground, I don’t pull on it to try and make it bring fruit immediately. Patience and confidence are two of the most critical elements for enjoying prosperity.

Confidence is important because it is by your faith that the seed will continue to grow. Don’t forget how much influence your thoughts have over the circumstances you experience. If you lose confidence, then your doubtful thoughts can kill the fragile seedling.

Maintain faith. Believing is a choice… you can choose to believe in your ultimate success.

A message to my serious readers who are finally ready for a major breakthrough: begin your life-changing journey in the 3-month Family Time & Money Freedom Home Study Course and let me help you make a significant improvement in your results.

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