A marriage in trouble

This is a sensitive topic, one that I don’t enjoy talking about. Mostly because I never want to say anything that gives anyone reason or license to do something they will regret later.

But I know marriages are suffering, so if the following post can help even ONE marriage, maybe it will be worth it. My hope is that the things I write and the answers I give will be solid, gospel-based, and founded on true principles. From there, each person must discern for themselves how to apply the principles in his or her own life.

Note: I’m not a relationship expert, but in 26 years of marriage, my husband and I have had to work through some pretty awful problems (not just financial). So I have some really strong opinions about how to solve relationship issues, but usually keep them to myself because they aren’t always politically correct.

Anyway…

Here’s a question I received from a Mindset Mastery program participant about living the principles when a marriage is in trouble. (Details have been changed for anonymity.)

Leslie, I need some advice. I’m trying to write and imagine my ideal life, but I’m struggling with one part:

My husband has been texting/sexting other women. Looking back it’s been going on for years. We’ve been married for nearly 20 years and there’s been fishy things going on since the beginning. I finally realized he has an addiction. He also has chronic pain so he takes prescription painkillers daily – sometimes going through 90 pills in two weeks. He works as a fitness trainer doing group personal training, which (initially) I thought would be perfect for him, because he wouldn’t be working one on one.

However, many of the women in his class are more than happy to give and receive attention, and he’s a prime candidate. There is a woman going now who sent him a picture of herself in lingerie. I politely emailed and asked her to respectfully stop attending his classes and she agreed. But then she started going to his classes again. It makes me sick. I try to control my emotions but it is a struggle.

My question is, as I create my goal statement, how do I work around this? Here are some examples of what I’ve been praying/writing:

~ I am so thankful now that my marriage is honest and faithful. It feels safe and joyful. Together, we are better.
~ I am so thankful for my honest and faithful husband. It feels so good to know that my husband is fiercely loyal to me and that he respects our marriage.
~
My marriage is honor and faithfulness. Since we honor our marriage, we attract people into our lives who also honor our marriage.
~
I am so thankful that the people who attend my husbands classes honor and respect our marriage.

[Leslie here inserting a note for my readers – lest you don’t read the whole post, I don’t recommend using these examples as they are. I’ll explain why below.]

She continues:

I know that I can’t control other people, so I’m trying to be creative with how I word these things. I guess I’m not sure if I’m doing it right since she’s coming back to his classes. Or maybe there is something else coming – like a new job. He works several nights a week and it makes it hard for us to spend time together, so really, a different job would be ideal.

I have a lot of feelings towards my husband that I am trying to sort through. I just started Wife For Life, which I think will be very helpful in me owning my part of our marriage. What I’m finding is that it’s hard to reach my financial goals when I’m in turmoil with myself over my marriage. Sometimes I’m not even sure that I want to be married to him anymore.

Hopefully this makes sense, I just wanted to run it by you before I write everything out for the midterm assignment. And I just needed your input. I highly value your advice.

I replied:

Before I answer, what does your husband think about all of this? What does he want?

She replied:

Well, that’s a great question. He’s admitted, in his humble moments, that he as a problem and needs help. He says that he hates this girl coming to his class. And he also says that he wants what I want – an eternal marriage, peace, happiness, freedom. However, he is often dishonest. I provide a comfortable living for him and he knows if we were to divorce he wouldn’t have that. 

He is a great husband. He leaves love notes for me almost every morning, sends me sweet texts,  wants to snuggle every night and spend time together. So I think he really does want what I want, but I don’t know if he’s ready to make those changes right now. When he’s humble he says he’s ready but as soon as the spirit leaves he gets very defensive.

I asked:

Do you have children? What do they know about the situation? Has divorce ever been a spoken topic between you and him? Or is your comment about the comfortable living just because you know how he thinks?

She replied:

We have two children, one in middle school, one in high school. We’ve talked about divorce for years. He’s explosive, so any time I tell him that I know he’s been texting another woman he blows up and says he’s done and wants a divorce. Then after a few days he acts like everything is normal again. The kids see his explosive behavior all the time. He yells for anything and is very demeaning. Then a few seconds later he fine again. His expectations for the kids are crazy – totally unrealistic for their ages. Then I feel like I have to compensate and be extra nice because he yells so often. 

He’s never said that I provide a comfortable life for him, but he for years refused to work. Also, once we saw a counselor, and his opinion was that my husband was using me. Of course that was the counselors opinion, but it’s always stuck with me.

I wrote:

I’ve had similar questions from others before. When you envision the way you want your life to go, think of it from the perspective of how you want to think and feel as you look BACK on your life, as though it’s already over. Past tense becomes even more powerful than present tense in that context.

Describe your relationship in terms of how you feel about how it went. What you accomplished together, how you felt about your husband (how you want to be able to feel about him, as though you do), how grateful you are that you were inspired in ways that created the right conditions that inspired him and your children to become all they can be.

(Focus on what YOU did – you were inspired in ways that created the right conditions for the best possible outcomes. It’s not about what he or anyone else did, it’s about you doing your part, so that you were not the limiting factor in what was possible.)

As you describe it, talk about your husband without using his name. If you picture it, you may or may not want to picture a blank face, because he may or may not choose to step into that possibility. But it does not prevent you from visualizing and moving toward the ideal that God has for all of us. Doing this can prepare you for the inspired guidance, which may lead you to speak your mind in an uncomfortable situation, or it may lead you to hold your tongue in a pivotal moment. It might inspire you to nurture and forgive, or it might inspire you unleash righteous indignation, or some of both, at different times. But the one constant you hold to, will be your vision for your future, and the vision for your family whether it’s is a vision for the here and now, or whether it’s a vision of it for the eternities. Regardless of when it happens, you choose now where YOU will end up and don’t settle for anything less.

Sometimes we make mistakes in how we handle situations in the heat of the moment because we are too focused on the short term. Like, we don’t want contention, so we overcompensate with niceness. If our eternal perspective and vision is clear, we might be more naturally inclined to do or say something uncomfortable in the heat of the moment because we’re more focused on the longer term results. Don’t be afraid to zoom out and think long term. Does this help?

Her response:

Oh my gosh, so helpful! Thank you so much, this has been something I’ve been struggling with for several months. I super appreciate you taking time to help me!!

______

Related: It’s not just about Money, it’s about Marriages, too

Related: My Unsolicited Marriage Advice

Related: Dealing with Fear in Relationships

No motivation?

Last week I posted the following in the Mindset Mastery program participants private Facebook group:

Just so y’all know… I had a goal recently that did not appear to be going well, right up until the deadline (and yes, in this case, there was a real deadline). It gave me yet another opportunity to test the principles. To choose calmness and assurance. To answer the question without fear, “What will I do if it doesn’t happen?” so that my subconscious mind would stop harassing me about it. To then get back to seeing it done, and feeling the emotions I expected to feel when it was achieved.

There was really no reason that it couldn’t (and shouldn’t) have happened two weeks earlier, except for the subtle impression that it was, indeed, just a test, to see if I would choose belief right up until the end.

It’s a scary thing sometimes to choose belief. We don’t want to be disappointed. We don’t want to put all that effort forth and find out it went unanswered.

But, the mental and spiritual muscles it exercises! The strength and confidence it builds!

The deadline was midnight. At 10pm there was nothing more for me to physically do, so I turned it over to God and went to bed, peacefully and expectantly leaving it in His hands. There was nothing more for me to physically do, but I could fall asleep imagining it done, and feeling gratitude for His help, and fading away in sheer amazement at how it came about.

In the morning, there it was, the email confirming the goal had been achieved, at 12:05 am. Five minutes late, but good enough, because *somewhere* in the world it wasn’t quite midnight 

I count it a win.

Just wanted you to know that no matter how many times you experience this, it stretches you. And that’s a good thing.

Shortly after, I received the following message from one of our Mindset Mastery program participants:

Hi Leslie! Thank you for your post in the Mindset Mastery Facebook group today. It was what I need to keep being reminded of, so I keep going when things get tough or don’t seem like they will produce the desired outcome.

I have a question that I’ve been struggling with:

What do you do when you have zero motivation to do something you know you should?

I recently had a baby and with each of my children I have gained around 10 lbs. With this baby I have gained almost 20. So, needless to say, 4 children later, I am almost 60lbs overweight! Yikes!! I was also diagnosed with gestational diabetes with this last one, and so now I am at risk for type 2 diabetes. Yikes!!

All of this should be enough to do what I know I should – eat healthy and exercise! But do I want to?? Heck no! Why? I don’t know!

Maybe it’s because I am in such a great place emotionally! I am happier than I have been in YEARS! I laugh more than I have in a very long time. Life is great for me! I also love being lazy and eating whatever I want! My logical self checks in and says, “Ya, you may be having fun now, but in a few years from now, your not going to be having very much fun when you’re a diabetic and 200 lbs.” I keep trying to eat healthy and exercise, but I seriously don’t care!! I’m so happy with my life right now, I just don’t care to change my diet and exercise!

Have you ever experienced something like this before? It is a weird feeling to know you need to change something, but yet be so happy and content with where you are in life. Can you help me know how to dissect this thing in my head, or know how to flip this, or think about it differently so that I can have my “From Now On” moment like The Greatest Showman and eat better and be active from now on? Because what I want in the long run is to be super fit and healthy, even into my senior years. But I have no motivation to change my actions. I want to humble myself before I am compelled to be humble. Have you ever experienced something like this?

The short answer is YES, I have felt that way…

In fact, I’d be surprised if there was someone out there who hasn’t felt this way at one time or another, not necessarily about health and fitness, but about whatever it is they should be doing that they’re not doing.

Here’s where I’ve landed with it, and what I told her:

I don’t try to force myself to be motivated anymore. If I want to WANT to be motivated though (yes, I said “want” twice on purpose), then I’ll start by praying, “Please help me want to want to.” Then I just don’t stress it. I’ll keep praying it, and once the desire starts to bubble up a little (because it will, even if only subtly), I’ll let myself imagine how it will feel when I’ve accomplished that thing. Not to motivate myself per se, but just to try it on and see if I really want it.

As long as you don’t outright reject the idea, it will begin to move you, probably imperceptibly at first.

So if and when you’re ready to try it on, maybe just imagine yourself the way you want to be at the next big family vacation. See yourself feeling energetic and keeping up with the kids, feeling free and great and strong.

One thing I’d suggest is feeding your mind with interesting input that can gently move you in that direction. For example, going to the Trim Healthy Mama Facebook page and following it. (Be sure to click the “Following” drop-down button and select the option to “see first” so that it shows up in your news feed every day.)

Their page is super uplifting and motivating, and IF you decide someday to release the extra weight, I recommend doing it their way. You can have treats all the time and you don’t really feel deprived. I dropped 15 pounds in about a month just by making sure I ate something every 2 hours, and by being careful about what foods I combined at the same meal. I think I started by following their page, then maybe a year later I bought their book, which explains their approach and why it works. Sometime after that is when I was finally motivated enough to go for it. Just starting with their posts in your feed can be a gentle beginning.

Hope this helps! Warmly, Leslie

She responded:

Thank you Leslie! That is very helpful! And thank you for that resource I will check it out for sure!

LBW 11: Cents out of Setbacks – Short

In this audio, I talk with my Portal to Genius co-author (Garrett B. Gunderson) about Making Cents out of Setbacks, and the 3 levels of life lessons that can be gleaned from each hardship.

Related podcast:
ararekindoffaith.com/making-cents-out-of-setbacks

TRANSCRIPT:

Garrett B. Gunderson: Ok. And now I’m going to bring on Leslie Householder, the author (and I’m the co-author) … the author to Portal to Genius and the author of Jackrabbit Factor. We’ve spoken together on stage a few times, and I don’t know if everyone in the room got value, but I was totally entertained and engaged. And when Leslie says something, I’ve told my wife before—my wife gets it so there must be something about how you convey the message that people really understand, Leslie. And we’re going to be talking about how to make cents, c-e-n-t-s, out of setbacks. Which I think is a perfect topic. Why don’t you give us an idea what you mean by that, Leslie?

Leslie Householder: Well, it’s just such an opportunity whenever you have a setback. The cool thing about it is that setbacks are universal to everybody. Everybody faces challenges. Everybody faces setbacks in their goals, in their business, in their relationships. Everything. And what I’ve learned, because I’ve had probably a lion’s share of setbacks in my own life, is that they are not for nothing. That they have a point to them, and that if you start to respond to them in a better way than what’s normal, than what’s reactionary, that you can turn everything that looks like a setback into a benefit and you can profit from your losses.

You know, I’ve had one of my mentors teach me that the person who seems to be the most unfortunate is actually the luckiest person around because they have the most to gain from that experience. So I’m just going to share some things I’ve learned over the years, trying to apply the principles that help you bounce back from setbacks and come out on top better than ever.

And you’re going to find out that every successful person who is noteworthy, exemplary, people look up to, or have had a significant amount of success have all applied these certain ideas or principles, whether they know they have or not. There are always at least three levels of wisdom that can be gleaned from each setback. The initial lesson is pretty obvious. But then there’s a deeper lesson, and then beyond that there’s a universal truth that can be discovered from it.

And my mind has just been blown as I’ve started to open up and be curious enough about those three levels that the kind of information that I’ve gained from my setbacks has just absolutely changed my life and changed the lives of so many people I know that have taken these principles to heart and started looking at their setbacks in a whole new way. And if you’re feeling like, “Man, it’s just been so hard to climb out on top of these challenges,” you’re a prime candidate for some amazing, amazing breakthroughs. In fact, my husband and I, when we started to realize these principles, when something horrible would happen—a major trauma in our life or whatever—once we get over the initial shock of it, we’re able to look at each other and say, “Whoa,” and get a big grin on our face and say, “You know what this means.” Because the bigger the challenge the greater the opportunity. So if things are just a little bit, you know, kind of inconvenient that’s too bad for you. The bigger the better.

Garrett B. Gunderson: If you think back to a decade ago, what seems like a problem today would have been devastating back then. What seems like a problem isn’t even on your radar today because of the threshold, yeah, because the perspective because the process you have of knowing how to turn that into a positive scenario or outcome because of the lessons.

Leslie Householder: And so much of that comes because of just surrounding yourself with the right people. You’re going to be surrounded with ideas and solutions and things and you’re going to see things differently just by being there.

Garrett B. Gunderson: I always love having you around and having you sharing your wisdom; and there’s something about the way that you say it. There’s something about the feminine energy that just gives people a whole different world and ears to hear. And I love the topic of hey if you have setbacks, you have frustration, do it. You’ve got some ingredients, so this is the deal: You’re either going to learn the lesson now or it’s going to get stronger in the future so I recommend to learn the lesson now. Make the small investment today for the bigger output rather than have it become something that is such a massive problem that it becomes hard to do it though.

Leslie Householder: And, also, the principles are universal. It becomes a part of your arsenal on how you’re going to handle the next one because I guarantee you if you’re not in a setback now you will have one. That’s one of life’s guarantees. Like I said, there’s a reason for them and it’s for your good. So it’s just a really great idea to make sure you know how to brace yourself, how to handle it, and how to respond to it to turn it to your profit. To make the most out of it. To learn the lesson once and for all so that you don’t have to repeat it again and learn it in a harder, tougher setback because that’s what it comes down to. Either learn it and move on to the next best thing and reach a higher level of awareness and success or you endure the setback. You get through it but you don’t really come out the person that it was supposed to shape you to be and so along comes another setback that’s going to try again to get you to reach that new consciousness and so I’ll help you figure it out the first time so you can move on.

Carrie’s Story

I was going through some files and came upon a message from one of our Mindset Mastery program participants, Carrie Newman, who shared this with our private program participant’s group EIGHT years ago:

“I just wanted to …update you all on what has been happening in my life! Two weeks ago, I was reading in my [Mindset Mastery] program and it talks about how we approach God with our requests. What I learned from the lesson is to expect it [and why/how I can], and to also clearly let Him know what you want.

“So… I knelt in prayer, and gratefully (and somewhat bluntly) told Heavenly Father exactly what I wanted. I expressed my desire for my husband to make a great income so that I would not have to work. I told Him that I did not want my family to rely on any income that I bring in, and I wanted my husband to be really happy. I also expressed how I want to run my business and change lives. Then I decided to expect it to happen.

“What I did not expect, was for it to happen so quickly!

“…Cory (my hubby) was informed at his work that the company was probably be going to shut down. They had no idea what was going to happen to Cory and they would keep him posted over the next week. In the past, Cory would have freaked out and jumped into MAJOR scarcity mode. But both of us felt calm and peaceful.

“Anyway, to make a long story short, Cory applied for many positions and called a gun company that he wanted to work for. The company immediately wanted to interview him and they basically hired him on the spot. This company is located in central Utah and he was hesitant about taking it, because it would require him to commute back and forth. However, they would not take NO for an answer, and now my hubby is as happy as a kid in a candy store! It is not everyday that you get to do what you love, and get paid well for it! For him, that meant designing guns, shooting a lot, not having a budget to do it in, and eventually getting paid a six figure income! The funny thing is, the company asked him how he heard about the job and he told them that he just felt like he should call them.

“What we did not know at the time, is that they had decided only one hour before he called, that they needed a new engineer.

“I am filled with gratitude and humility. I know that Heavenly Father is aware of our needs and I am amazed at how he ‘prepared’ a way for my family. (Sounds like Ether doesn’t it!) He was even preparing my family before I asked. We know that Cory’s old job was just a resting spot for our family until this one opened up. Also, his old job is paying him severance and since Cory will be back and forth a lot, I am quitting Olive Garden. (hooray!) He has no set work schedule and he will work form home as much as possible, or go down for three to four days at a time. I will focus on getting my blog and my life coaching launched. More importantly, I can be with my kids.

“I just wanted to share this amazing story with you. I think it is incredible how much Heavenly Father truly delights in answering our prayers – often far more than we can comprehend. I love each of you and hope you are all doing great!”

Well, even though the message was from eight long years ago, I still reached out to see if she would mind if I shared her experience with my readers. I said:

“Hi Carrie – I’m not sure what you’ve been up to since [all that happened eight years ago], but it was such a great story, and I think it would inspire others! It sounded almost identical to what happened to my husband just last February – he was out of work for about 30 minutes, when he got a phone call that led to his new and better job, choosing his own hours, working from home several days a week, etc. I would like to create a blog post from your experience, but wanted to find out if you want me to change your names, or if you would like to keep your names and I can hyperlink it to a website or something, if you have one you would like included. If I don’t hear back from you, I’ll make it anonymous (and I can always update it later if you want your names added back). I hope this message finds you doing well!”

What I DIDN’T expect was to receive THIS reply:

“Hey stranger! Well, I am still a huge fan and love listening to your podcasts. I love what you are doing right now. Our lives have changed a lot since that experience. It was his first job in the firearms industry, and since then he has:

* Worked for some of the top firearm companies in the world
* His designs were on the cover of 7 industry leading gun magazines.
* He is an award winning designer
* He has designed guns for militaries and law enforcement agencies all over the world.
* And right now, we are in the process of launching our own business in the industry. Not designing guns, but creating great products for those who love shooting and want to have a great experience.

 

I would love it if you wrote a blog post – ideally it would be better for me if it was along the same time as our launch, so we could put a link to our new site at the bottom. I would do it now but it is still under construction. We will be ready by November 20th. Is that too late for you?

Shocked but hardly surprised, (after all, they’ve been applying the principles for at least 8 years), I responded:

“Oh man, this is even better than I expected! What a fantastic, amazing, incredible update, and the timing is perfect!! I’ll keep it in draft mode until I hear back from you! Not a coincidence that we connect again right now, eight years later, eh?”

Well, their November 20th launch was held up because of a shipping issue, but things have since been resolved and so I’m excited to finally show you what they’ve created since taking the Mindset Mastery program so many years ago.

I asked for an update in her own words.

It hasn’t ALL been smooth-sailing, but they’ve learned how to respond to setbacks for some great outcomes. She explains it this way:

“Cory and I have had many experiences since that first letter. As mentioned before, Cory has since worked for some of the top firearm manufactures in the world. We have loved our many adventures, but we still had one goal which seemed unattainable: owning our own business. It was the ultimate dream for us, and three years ago we finally left the corporate world to do just that.

“It didn’t come easy, it didn’t come fast. There were many paths we started on that didn’t work out. Until finally, we found our little niche. But even then, we had many hiccups along the way. We had major issues getting raw materials through customs, pallets of goods were lost, production issues, investor problems, etc. It felt like with every step forward, we would take five steps back.

“During this time, it was so hard not to be discouraged. I had to consistently remind myself, my children and my husband of the Law of Polarity. That the pain and trials we were going through would have an equal or better benefit on the other side. I even put Napoleon Hill’s famous quote, ‘Every adversity carries with it the seed of an equivalent or greater benefit‘ as my lock screen so I could remind myself every time I picked up my phone. I needed to see it that often.

“It has been hard, but we are faithfully working through it. I wish I could say my sky is filled with riches and rainbows, but it isn’t. Each day takes a lot of exercise in faith, patience and trust in the process. But I know the seed has been planted. I know I will get there – I know the laws, and I am learning how to use them.

“Two months behind schedule, we finally launched Cerus Gear on January 1st of this year (2018). Our business was created to help spread the love of the sport, and to encourage the proper maintenance of firearms.

“Using Cory’s skills as a designer and my love of marketing, we created the ProMat, a gun cleaning mat for various firearms. We have standard schematic mats, themed lifestyle mats (Police Support, Iwo Jima, Reaper, etc.), and our signature Instructional mats, which have images and instructions that teach you how to field strip your firearm:

“We love what we do. We love that our ultimate dream is finally taking root, and we are so grateful for Leslie’s teachings of the laws. She is truly amazing, and I feel like the best people in the world are drawn to her. That’s why we’d like to offer Leslie’s readers a limited time discount of 15% off any ProMat order.

“If you love to shoot, let’s be honest. It has probably been a while since you cleaned your firearm. Cleaning your gun is messy, time consuming, and residue gets all over everything. That’s why we at Cerus Gear are here to help. With 40 years combined industry experience, we will provide you the tools and education to quickly and easily clean your firearms, allowing you to get back to what you love: Shooting.”

Impressive, Carrie and Cory! Congratulations on your tenacity and determination to make your dreams come true.

And for my readers, click here to take a look at ALL of their different designs and options. Truly a class act! Plus, when you click on the link, Carrie’s special 15% discount for my readers will automatically be applied to your cart: https://cerusgear.com/discount/LESLIE15

(I am not paid for promoting her company or products, I’m just really proud of them for continuing to demonstrate, test, and prove the Mindset Mastery principles!)

Do YOU have a story to share? Let me know!!

____________

My position on gun control: IF guns are outlawed, then only outlaws will have guns. In gun-free zones, only criminals will have them. I take the position that all people should have the right to carry and legally defend themselves.

Watch this:

It’s what God gave us time for / Law of Polarity

Parenting Transformation Journey – page 17 (click here for page 1)

(Originally posted August 14, 2013)

All day yesterday, my 11 year-old son hoped I would find time to take him fishing. I had already picked up some hooks and bait the day before with the money he gave me, and he couldn’t wait to use them.

But yesterday was too hectic – my business commitment I thought I’d finish by 10:00 am took me until 5:30 pm instead. And his older brother was already in line for me to take shopping after I was done.

It was around 2 or 3 when my little fisherman asked again if we could go, and I finally had to say, “I need you to be okay if this doesn’t work out. I would much rather be fishing than doing business, believe me. But this is a promise I need to keep, and if I’m worried about how you’re feeling, I’m going to be stressed, and it will be harder for me to think. Are you going to be okay if we don’t go today?”

He said, “I’ll be okay if we don’t go today.”

I turned to his little sisters and said, “What about you girls? I need to know if you’ll be okay, too, so that I am not worried about you. If I’m not worried, I’ll be able to work faster.”

They both replied, “We’ll be okay if we don’t go today.”

Of course they were disappointed, but supportive. Talking it through with them like this was my attempt to pre-teach and help them accept a “no answer” calmly. I was proud of them for it.

I realize this sounds dangerously similar to the times when I was full-time building my business and I would say something like that to put my kids off. But the difference back then was that coming back to them was usually a token effort just so I could check it off the list and get back to work.

I always professed to want family time, but if I’m going to be honest with myself, I recognize that my actions showed otherwise. I had a really hard time breaking the pattern. It took a total emotional collapse to reboot my system and set me on a path to a more congruent existence. I’m grateful it happened, though, because now I only work my business about an hour a day, sometimes even only a couple hours a week. I’m not addicted to the work anymore, nor the charge I’d get from feeling like I was changing the world.

I truly don’t mean to diminish my work, because I know it was important and necessary for me to do at the time. But I’m just grateful that the joys I’m finding now in full-time motherhood are even deeper and longer lasting. When I receive emails from readers that describe what my books or materials have done for them, I’m super happy and I feel tremendous fulfillment and gratification that all of those hours, and the blood, sweat and tears were not for nothing. Like this one:

Hi Leslie 🙂  First of all, I can’t tell you how much your book [Portal to Genius] has changed my life.  I know you hear this all the time, but I still have to say it.  I have been an executive business coach for many years and … I have read every self-help, motivation, inspiration, sales book, etc…on the market and have been a reader of this type of material since I was about 25 years old.  I am now almost 45. 🙂  I have even held seminars, workshops, training sessions, etc…about the power of the mind and “change.”  I have trained groups as small as 3 and as large as 4,000…and NEVER have I felt the way I do right now…since I read your book just 4 weeks ago!  I can’t thank you enough!  In fact, my husband & I had been writing our own book for the past 2 years, never that thrilled with the content, but desiring to finish it because we know we can help people with their health.  As soon as I read Portal [to Genius], I gave it to my hubby, he read it the next weekend, and we’ve have been writin’ fools ever since.  The writer’s block has ended and we can’t stop…the ideas just keep comin’!!!  I have referred your book to a total of eight people now and I would say half of them have reported back to me, concurring with my sentiment! Nicole K., Ph D

But as much as I LOVE LOVE LOVE getting emails like that, (I really do!!) the thrill and joy only lasts a short time, and life marches on.

On the other hand, when I participate in helping one of my own children have a major breakthrough (which, interestingly enough is rarely of the variety that my business is even about), my gratification is pure joy, and I literally relish in it for days. I’ll sometimes even fall asleep rehearsing the victory and how it played out for several nights in a row. Even months and years later, I know that those are the breakthroughs that I will remember the most, and in which I will take the most pride.

And it’s not because of any praise I get for helping, it just from watching the children experience a change.

Most of the time, they don’t even realize they grew.

Like when my son didn’t show up for work on time because there was a miscommunication about his schedule. When he got the text that asked, “Aren’t you coming in?” he just about had a heart attack. It was his first job, he had only been there a week, and his brain kept firing shots of terror through his body, with all the ‘what ifs’ about what the consequences might be. As we raced to get him there (7 hours late), I tried to assure him that somewhere in this awful experience there is a seed of something good.

He shot back, “How can this POSSIBLY be good??” 

I had no answer. Only that it’s a true principle, and that somewhere there was a blessing in it. I didn’t know, maybe just that it was good he learned this lesson (whatever lesson it was) on a first job instead of a career job later when he’s trying to support a family.

He was convinced that everyone there was going to hate him, because he wasn’t there to do his part when they opened, and then for 7 hours, his team mates had to cover for him in a really stressful environment.

I practiced being calm for the both of us. Prayed for him that the good would be found. I knew that there was something good in it, because that’s one of the laws. I just hoped he would find it.

Then at the end of the day when I picked him up he was flying high. He told me excitedly about how everyone was really understanding, how the misunderstanding about the schedule meant that it was never posted publicly, so for those 7 hours nobody but his supervisor knew that it was him who was missing, and then because he was so late, he was there for some unexpected emergencies, and it was better for everyone that he worked the night shift instead of the early one. He came off heroic instead of delinquent.

Best of all, he got some BIG praise from his supervisor for showing up 7 hours late instead of not at all. He had faced his terror instead of just writing the day off, he overcame the fear of the unknown, grew in self-esteem, gained experience in communicating with people who he thought hated him, and saw real evidence that the law of polarity is actually true.  The experience changed him. I saw him grow two years in just one day, and I felt joy.

So back to the original story…

I finished my work without guilt, because I knew that the day was wide open, and I would not even be tempted to work. I knew I’d be able to spend some real time with my kids; and besides, I was ready for some recreation myself.

So I took my 18 year-old to work at 7:30 am, and ran home again to get his name tag. (On a scale of 1-10 where 10 is totally calm, I’m happy to say that I managed to stay up around an 8, even though returning for his forgotten name tag was not exactly what I wanted to be doing.)

Before I reached home the second time, I called the fishing preserve to ask about their hours. Since they had been open since dawn already, I was excited to surprise my youngest three with the news that we should go ASAP.

My 11 year-old son was super excited. We have a lake in our backyard, and he’s already caught countless fish there, but mostly only catfish, and only for catch and release. The lake we were going to is behind the library where you can catch about 5 different kinds of fish (including trout, which is what he really wanted), and, you can take them home to eat them.

So off we went.

photo (15)

While I was following them through the brush to find the best spot, I thought about how hot and uncomfortable I was (weather report says it was effectively 97 degrees), but how much in a rush I wasn’t. This is where they wanted to be, and I was mentally prepared to go along with it for a couple hours. I didn’t have something else on my mind that I “needed to get back to”, and I marveled that I had come so far. Two years ago I couldn’t get work off of my mind.

One of my previous parenting mentors (Matt Reichmann), always taught that if you want to have more power as a parent, you’ve got to play with your kids. When I was so caught up in work, I always had trouble making time for play. It’s getting easier, though, and I’ve noticed that the more I play with them, the less I have to correct them. Bottom line, they simply behave better when their emotional buckets are full, and their buckets stay full the more often I play with them.

I was also reminded of a video clip that put a smile on my face. It is simple but profound:

I love when the blogger said that “children aren’t something you collect because they’re cuter than stamps, [mothering is] not something you do if you can squeeze the time in, it’s what God gave you time… for.”

I know you may be thinking, “Yeah, that would be nice, if I didn’t have so many stresses that keep me from living that way…” because that’s what I thought for twenty years.

Well, I finally figured something out. When I was really ready to make that shift, when I was finally committed to living it no matter what, I had to let go. I had to let go of what people might think of me. I had to let go of the need for my lifestyle to look a certain way. I had to be ready to make the necessary sacrifices to claim it. I had to check my own priorities.

We downsized our home. We sold some extra cars. We rearranged a lot of things to make this work. I don’t get my nails done any more. I make my kids work for things. If we have to choose between getting a new coat of paint on the car or investing in our children’s education, we choose their education.

Through my work I learned with absolute certainty that we really can have anything we want. We could have a new car if we wanted one badly enough. We could replace some old furniture if we were passionate enough about doing that. I understand the principles of success and the law of vibration, and how our results are a reflection of our application of those principles. But I also recognize that for every desire, there is some effort that is required. So I had to ask myself, what am I working toward? For what purpose do I invest my best time, money, and attention?

What I really wanted more than anything was a peaceful home and rich relationships with my husband and children. And now I’m finally directing my best efforts to my own family. It takes a LOT of time, and it takes effort. Sometimes I still say “no” to a profitable opportunity here and there because it is a distraction at the time from my primary focus. But so far, nothing else has been this rewarding.

So you can imagine my surprise when, after ‘letting go’ for about a year and a half, that the business began to grow on its own. Other resources also began finding their way to us more freely. I began to recognize a real correlation between the calmness I felt, and the increase in the flow of money and opportunities into our lives.

There were still stressful situations, but choosing calmness and trusting God always seemed to cause the problem to melt away entirely, or turn it into something unexpectedly good. In either case, we were okay.

Stay calm, be still (in your heart), and think of God as a loving Father who will take care of you. Trust Him with your life.

No, it’s not easy to raise a family, and it’s not easy keeping Mom home from work if that’s what the goal is. But it’s possible if you want it. Opportunities will come to those who work tenaciously toward their worthy ideal, whatever it is. I promise you that. The answers may not come when you want them to, but God is never late.

(If you’re struggling with money issues, then you can get some new hope by reading The Jackrabbit Factor, and then coming back to browse some of the favorite posts on the right side of this page – they’re mostly about dealing with financial stress.)

So anyway, there’s my thought for the day: Raising a family is not something you do if you have time for it, it’s what God gave us time for.

LBW 10: Goal Achievement Like Using a Phone

In this short audio, I compare the application of the laws of success to a young child trying to use the telephone.

Related article: Are you Making it Harder than it Needs to Be?

Background music: Fig Leaf Rag – distressed by Kevin MacLeod is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution license (creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)
Source: incompetech.com/music/royalty-fre…isrc=USUAN1100702
Artist: incompetech.com/

TRANSCRIPT:

Goal achievement is like making a phone call: If you dial the numbers right, it works. Children who have never used a phone before will probably have trouble making it work right for a while, just as we can have trouble making the laws of success work to achieve our goals. It takes practice. We’re going to have set backs as we try to figure these things out.

When a goal doesn’t happen the way you expected, it’s so easy to get discouraged. Believe me.  I’ve been there. I’ve lived that. I live it still, but I have learned that the laws of success are laws that you can depend on, and when things don’t work out quite the way you expected them to—according to the laws of success as you know them—then it’s time to learn something a little bit more about them. Ask the hard questions. Where did I go wrong? What more do I need to know? In what way am I making this harder than it has to be? For me this question, answer, new attempt process happened hundreds of times before I actually saw it really work even just once. I know hundreds of ways that the laws of success don’t work. Each failed attempt showed me something else that I needed to tweak about my approach.

Think about it. The first time a kindergartener tries to use the telephone chances are good that he or she will dial the number wrong. When that happens wouldn’t it be foolish to say that the phone doesn’t work? The phone works fine. The user just needs to be extra careful to dial all the right numbers, in the right order with no extra numbers inserted along the way.

And the laws of success work fine too. You’ve just got to be careful to dial all the right numbers, in the right order, and not insert any extra ones along the way. When you do it right, it unfailingly works the way it should. And the good news is that when you see it work once you gain confidence and eventually realize that it can work for you every time. In fact, it can become second nature, just like using the phone. Then after experiencing some success maybe you even discover that it can be even easier than that, like discovering the redial button or programming numbers into it with a one-touch.

But I do have some bad news. The one element that does not go away, no matter how slick you are or how smart you get, is the test to exercise faith when all appearances indicate impending disaster. Yes, no matter how good you get at the process and no matter how much you make you’ll always get plenty of opportunity to exercise faith, to make sacrifices, and to stretch yourself out of the comfort zone to accomplish the next goal. You just get to a point where you learn to accept the difficult nature of the process. The knowledge I share here does not advert the challenges. It just gives you the power to overcome them when they show up, the power to achieve the goal in spite of difficulty, the power to have peace of mind through the process. There’s value in that.

And yes, you can have your victory. You can have the money you need. You can find the job or succeeding business. You can have the freedom you seek. Just try again and learn from your mistakes.

These laws affect EVERYTHING!

I broke my tailbone about 6 years ago. Suddenly I couldn’t be physically active, I was unable to do my regular duties, and quickly lost confidence in myself. In a short time, my house spiraled out of control. Add to that my family’s unconcern about its condition

Occasionally, I like to spotlight different students in our Mindset Mastery program and share their experiences with learning to apply the principles. In this case, I want you to pay attention to how a vivid dream can literally FUEL you.

Today’s spotlight is on Mindset Mastery student Stephanie Francom, who writes:

When I started Mindset Mastery I had NO idea the powerful reach of these principles! I mistakenly thought it was only about financial gain and business goals. But no, these laws affect EVERYTHING:

I broke my tailbone about 6 years ago. Suddenly I couldn’t be physically active, I was unable to do my regular duties, and quickly lost confidence in myself. In a short time, my house spiraled out of control. Add to that my family’s unconcern about its condition, and our state of disarray (and my frustration with it) cemented into my mindset a habit of negativity for years.

But in the last 2 months, as I’ve been going through the Mindset Mastery lessons, instead of ruminating over everything that is going wrong, I began visualizing things the way I wanted them to be. Now we’re knocking out one project at a time… and sometimes the things I visualized even began happening completely without me!!

True order has begun to manifest itself in my entire physical world. My basement, which has been my biggest mess and dread for years, was cleaned up in just 5 1/2 days when my daughter and son-in-law needed to move in for a few months. Then – get this – my 14 year old came to me and asked if she could clean out my pantry and paint it!

We’ve taken 4 loads to the dump (with another load ready to go) and 4-5 loads to donate to the local thrift store. We’ve painted a room, finished our kitchen cabinets, cleaned out a bedroom being used for storage, gotten rid of enough books to get rid of some bookshelves, cleaned out an office, made a huge dent in the worst storage room we have, and today my son-in-law is putting up shelves in the laundry room to organize it!

All of this started at the very end of November – and the majority of it has taken place in the last 3 weeks! Not to mention all the other big dreams and goals that are in process.

I am so grateful to have learned these principles, they are completely transforming our world inside and out!!

Way to go, Stephanie! As they say, “When the dream is big enough, the facts don’t count.” In other words, when you’re fueled by a dream, you can’t help but get moving, and there isn’t any time to think about what’s wrong! In my life at least, I’ve noticed that when I am hot on a rabbit trail, I have more energy, I feel better about myself, and I get more done.

What Stephanie didn’t say (but which she’s given me permission to add), is that she and her seven children have all come face to face with one or more of the following disorders:

  • anxiety
  • depression
  • panic attacks
  • bi-polar
  • ADHD
  • PTSD
  • OCD
  • Postpartum depression
  • self-harm
  • autism
  • addictions

…but 19 months ago she found a vitamin supplement that gave them their lives back. Honestly, I don’t know if she would have been open to, or capable of believing in the Mindset Mastery program enough to give it a try, if she hadn’t first found a solution to their debilitating conditions.

Now, as you probably know, the FDA has some pretty strict rules about making miraculous claims in connection with supplements, so I can’t outright say what they found, and neither can she. But she’s also given me permission to give you her contact info if you or someone you love is struggling with any of the above conditions, and are interested in knowing more about her family’s experience.

First I’ll share her quick 3.5 minute story below, and then I’ll tell you how you can get in touch with her.

 

Scariest thing ever. But I’m ready to share my story.

Posted by Stephanie Lyon Francom on Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Additionally, if it will help, she’ll give you (or the first 10 people who contact her today), $25 towards their first order. (She’s eating that, by the way. And I don’t get a penny for telling you about this, either.) This has become her passion, and a new income stream.

You should know that I can’t officially endorse it because I haven’t tried it myself, but I believe there’s someone out there who could really use this hope right now.

So if you want more information, text her at 208-244-0432, or you can message her on Facebook: Stephanie Lyon Francom.

And if you’d like to know more about how you can become a Mindset Mastery program participant, click here.

How to Survive the Downs

Jacob Lund/Shutterstock

Life is like a roller coaster. When things go downhill, throw your hands in the air and smile!

Have you ever met someone whose life seems to be falling apart and they’re happy anyway? Have you ever thought, “Wait a minute, you’re supposed to be miserable and depressed!”

It’s true. There are some who are simply in denial, and who hope that the problems will go away if they just ignore them. However, there are others who feel happy even when things are going down because they know a secret.

These people can feel happy during a downturn because they know the ride never goes downhill forever. By law, it always turns upward again at the bottom – just like a roller coaster. They smile now because they’re focused on the longer term; and they’re already thinking about the joy and heights that life will take them to next.

Now, while we’re on this “roller coaster theme,” imagine you’ve saved for years to take your family to an exciting theme park on the other side of the country. You’ve pictured the laughter, the fun, the memories you plan to create: the joy of being together, the food, the free time; it’s all so very wonderful!

Now it’s finally time to take that trip. You enjoy a relaxing plane ride, settle in at the hotel, spend the night, and in the morning you have a full day to take in all of the theme park attractions. After entering the gate, you notice that just inside the entrance there are two roller coaster rides to choose from. The first one is called “Straight-Shot to Success” and goes like this:

“Straight Shot to Success”

You get on, and it pulls the line of cars all the way to the top of a twenty-story tower where ….

… it lets you off so you can climb down the stairs to do it again.

Look at the enthusiasm in this picture, just before unloading to climb down and repeat the experience all over again! (Wouldn’t it make for a pretty boring roller coaster ride? Yes. But isn’t that what we think we want out of life? A steady, predictable, safe and easy climb to success?) The thing is, if that’s what we got out of life, I think we’d feel pretty dissatisfied with the whole experience. Without the lows, the highs mean nothing.

So, let’s take a look at the second roller coaster ride called “Joy in the Journey,” which instead goes something like this:

“Joy in the Journey”

You get on, and it pulls you to the top of a big hill and then turns you loose into a series of ups and downs, loops and turns. Everyone is terrified and laughing, all at the same time.

Even when the people plummet at break-neck speeds straight toward the ground, they have a smile on their face.

Now, is that twisted, or what? Are they in denial?

No. They are genuinely enjoying themselves, because they know that the terror is temporary, that the danger is an illusion, and that it will come to an end. They know that they are in a controlled, safe environment that is simply giving them the appearance of danger. Deep down, they know everything is going to be okay in the long run.

Which rollercoaster ride do you think would have the longest waiting line? “Straight-Shot to Success,” or “Joy in the Journey?”

I choose the latter. Here’s what helps me endure the scary parts:

Believe it or not, like a roller coaster ride, Life itself is a safe environment, even with all its dangers.

Contrary to appearances, it truly is a safe place to be. From God’s vantage point, the things we fear are nothing to Him, including death itself.

Do you realize that the life you live is precisely the life you would have chosen all along? THIS is the life that brings you the greatest joy: the life with all the ups and aggravating downs. So be grateful for your downs, and as you allow your heart to swell with gratitude, you’re putting yourself into the right mindset to receive next the best “ups” that God has to offer.

The ups and downs we experience help us feel.

The change from up to down (or down to up) is precisely what makes it possible for us to recognize the difference from one emotion to the other. Like I said before, without the downs, the ups would be meaningless. The lows help us feel and appreciate the highs.

Bob Proctor says, “Most people tiptoe through life, trying to make it safely to death.” Do you see the irony in that? Instead, we should have courage and press on toward our dreams with full, fearless intention.

Fear not!

As Mark Twain said, “I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.”

You have a choice of what to think about. So think on the expected highs that put a smile on your face, instead of worrying about the imagined train wreck at the bottom of the hill that hasn’t even happened yet.

It is only when your heart is at peace that it is truly prepared to receive inspired solutions to your problems.

So, if you’re headed in a downward direction, be at peace. The tracks are bent and will surely guide your roller coaster car up to the top again in time. It’s going to be thrilling! And in fact, according to the Law of Rhythm, you’re already on your way. Originally published Mar 12, 2008

Join me in the life-changing Mindset Mastery Program and I’ll help you find joy and success even in the downs.

LBW 09: It’s a Language Thing

Learning to apply success principles is like learning a whole new language. At first, everyone makes mistakes. You “ask” for one thing, but what you get is often something you never intended at all. Learn to become fluent in God’s language of faith.

Background music Long Stroll by Kevin MacLeod is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution license (creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)
Source: incompetech.com/music/royalty-fre…isrc=USUAN1100174
Artist: incompetech.com/

The audio above was derived from the following article:

The Language of Faith

TRANSCRIPT:

Not only is goal setting is like dialing a phone number, but it is also like a whole new language. At first, you’re bound to make some mistakes using any language. That’s normal. In terms of setting goals, It’s happened to me, too. Sometimes when I thought that I was communicating my desires and a goal statement very clearly, they turned into circumstances that I never intended at all. Now this gets a little ridiculous.

You know what? That’s okay! It’s all part of the learning process. Let me help you put it all into perspective: Imagine going to a Spanish speaking country with nothing more than a basic understanding of the Spanish language and an English/Spanish translation handbook. (By “basic” I mean how much I know: words like “burrito,” “enchilada,” “hola,” “uno, dos, tres…” “Taco Bell,” …You get the idea.)

So you arrive in the foreign country and climb into a taxicab. You open your book and intend to tell the driver, “I want to go someplace quiet and beautiful where I can feel the Spirit of God.” So word by word, you search your translation book and say, “Deseo ir en alguna parte tranquilidad y hermoso donde puedo sentir el alcohol del dios.”

You spoke clearly and confidently, knowing that you said just what the book told you to say.

What you didn’t know was that the driver (who is a native of the country) hears, “Desire to go beautiful tranquility somewhere and where I can feel the alcohol of the God.”

Now let me ask you, where do you think he will take you?? When you end up at a saloon instead of a botanical garden or church, you might look at your Spanish book and throw it away saying, “This language doesn’t work!!!”

Now, have you met anyone who has discovered the language of prosperity through “The Secret” or other books / tools, made an attempt to use it, and then threw it all away because “it” didn’t work? Maybe you’ve even thought about throwing it all away.

Realize this: the language of faith and prosperity is just that: it’s a language… of the Spirit. It takes time to develop fluency. It takes practice to understand the cause and effect of thinking, feeling, and acting in this new and certain way.

When things don’t go the way you expect them to go, accept the results and simply learn from them. Take the lessons that are available in every challenge, every setback, every experience and let them work in you, so you can get closer to your goal more accurately the next time.

Don’t throw away the principles that you know deep down are true, even if the results you get aren’t what you expected them to be. When you end up at a saloon instead of a beautiful botanical garden, it wasn’t because the “book” or “language” didn’t work; the language actually works perfectly. You simply missed one critical word, substituting the word for “Holy Spirit” with the Spanish word for “spirits” (alcohol). The words we choose as we set goals will also make a critical difference in the final outcome.

Let me give you an example. For a long time I had a goal statement that said, “Money comes to me frequently and easily from multiple sources in increasing quantities on a continual basis. People want my products; God helps his children through me.”

After about a year of using this statement as an affirmation, I realized that the part, “People want my products” is exactly what I was getting: thousands of people who wanted my products. But the goal stated that way doesn’t exactly translate into revenue. That’s when I changed my statement to more accurately reflect my true desire: “People BUY my products; God helps his children through me.”

See the difference? One word can make a big difference. It’s a language thing.

We communicate our desires and receive what we ask for. “Ask and ye shall receive” is a true principle. But this language of faith that we are trying to learn comes from a foreign culture, a way of life that perhaps we remember from somewhere long ago, but has been temporarily forgotten in this mortal realm. Furthermore, it is important to remember that in God’s culture, or “way of life,” when someone asks Him for increased faith, He doesn’t necessarily deliver faith, but opportunities to exercise faith.

When we ask for financial freedom, He doesn’t give us piles of money but opportunities to develop multiple streams of income. When we ask for strength, we are given challenging experiences where we can develop the very strength we asked for. (The movie “Evan Almighty” illustrates this point beautifully – it is a movie I highly recommend.)

You know, the bottom line is this: The more fluent we become in God’s language of faith, the more peacefully we will grow toward accomplishing all we truly desire.

ANNOUNCER: This has been a Little Bit of Wisdom with Leslie Householder. Listen to her podcast and download her books free at www.aRareKindofFaith.com.

#40: When the Principles Don’t Seem to Work

If you are tired of hearing people tell you that you just need to “attract” or “manifest” money, let’s learn how to make those laws really work. When money is tight and it seems impossible to do what you need to do next, it’s time to discover Heaven’s Astonishing Help with Your Money Matters.

During this special podcast, Chris Miles and Leslie discuss the principles in Hidden Treasures: Heaven’s Astonishing Help with Your Money Matters, and how it can help you get over that next hurdle.

Click here to download Leslie’s book, Hidden Treasures: Heaven’s Astonishing Help with Your Money Matters

Bios:

Leslie Householder (award-winning, international best-selling author of The Jackrabbit Factor, Hidden Treasures, and Portal to Genius) helps families and individuals discover and fulfill their life’s mission – financially unhindered. Leslie always provides plenty of free information that will help you overcome every obstacle, and put you on the right track to achieving ALL of your financial goals.

Chris Miles is a leading authority showing entrepreneurs and their spouses how to quickly free up and create cash flow and lasting wealth TODAY spending time doing what they love most! He has been featured in US News, CNN Money, Bankrate.com, interviewed internationally on TV & radio, and has a high reputation with his company, Money Ripples (www.moneyripples.com) getting his clients fast, life-altering financial results.